Naruverse: Deconstruction & Reality Ensues
by Star-Vader Omega Glendios
Summary: What if the situations in the Narutoverse (Fanon and Canon alike) were taken in a realistic way? Rated M for possible dark situations. I own none of whatever anime/manga/show characters or plots; only my own OCs and plot twists. Under revision; Some chapters are being rewritten.
1. Chapter 1: No complexity addiction

Oneshot Summary: A true ninja never waits for his enemies to catch up to their level just because said enemies aren't strong enough, therefore Obito won't wait for 12 years to acheive his plans. This oneshot is a take on what could have happened if Obito took his chance from the start.

Warning: this story is a "Downer Ending", don't like don't read.

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**A Child's Loneliness Can Result In The End Of World**

'Why?Why do they hate me?'

The Kyuubi Jinchuuriki, one Uzumaki Naruto thought while sitting in the park at night,he simply didn't have anything better to do,he wasn't hungry yet so he hadn't any ramen at the Ichiraku's. He couldn't understand why they hate him. He did nothing to be glared at, at least that's what he knew. Oh sure, he understood that some of them started hating him because of his pranks,not that he would admit it, the fact that the old man didn't punish him had a reason in why he was disliked by other children, that he also understood.

Unknown to him, someone was secretely watching him.

Uchiha Obito, the one who manipulated the Kyuubi, and killed the yondaime hokage watched the boy in secret.

He, in all honesty could care less about the Jinchuuriki's life. After all, there are hundreds of orphans in the elemental nations,him being one of them, the social life of one boy ,military asset for the village or not, meant little to him.

He simply wants the Moon Eye plan to succeed and revive his beloved.

Some might have called him crazy for trying to kidnap a village weapon, but they obviously don't know how easy it is for him to do so. He won't wait for his enemies to become strong enough to fight him, and the Jinchuurikis along with their Bijuus can and will become a bunch of annoying thorns in his side if he let them grow, and, the Uchiha Massacre has already been finished minutes ago. Even if the sandaime, Danzo and the others realised what he did tomorrow, it would be too late.

Obito checked the area, good, none of those annoying Anbu guys. He approached Naruto, using a henge to make himself look unsuspicious and masking his chakra and intentions expertly like the ninja he is.

"Having problems little boy?"

Naruto jumped, and looked behind himself, and saw an old woman with gray hair and brown eyes.

"Woah!You scared me! Old lady!"

Obito bonked Naruto on the head going into the role of the old lady.

"Brats nowaday, no respect for their elders!Anyway ,young lad I am here to invite you to eat with me some free ramen, I have the coupons, do you want to?"

Normally any child who had common sense would not accept any presents from any stranger,especially at night, but Naruto, being alone and disliked had no one to tell him such a thing, and he was also feeling hungry by now so he accepted.

"Yes! Please, can I?"

"Of course!" Obito said sounding every bit like the kind old lady he is acting like.

Controlling the boy's senses with the sharingan of his was a child's play, he took the Jinchuuriki into a dark alley, making sure that no one is watching or following them,Naruto didn't realise a thing, as far as he was concerned, this kind old lady is bringing him to the Ichiraku's.

After making sure that no one will stop them, Obito put Naruto to sleep with his eye, dropped the henge and used the power of his mangekyo, sucking him and the sleeping boy in a vortex, out of the village who had lost almost all of their Uchiha citizens.

**(In a cave hidden in Amegakure)**

"Pein ,Zetsu, Konan, I captured the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki"Obito said to an orange-haired guy with metal piercings on his face, a humanoid creature wearing what looked like a venus-trap on his head and a blue haired woman.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?Madara. I think this is too soon."said konan.

"No, this is better, I alone could kidnap all the nine with little to no problems thanks to my abilities." responded the fake Madara.

"It doesn't matter. Everyone will know pain in the end" said the self proclaimed god.

**(Few weeks later, in the base)**

Obito looked at the new 'guests' he 'invited' to his cave, all unique and yet similar.

All the Jinchuurikis have been kidnapped, it was actually quite easy for him at least.

Really, having those living weapons hated and mistreated by their villages did not make them feel any real loyalty and they instantly accepted his 'invitations'.

The only one who was even remotely difficult to bring to his cave was Killer B, the Hachibi Jinchuuriki, and even then using the Mangekyou, it was a piece of cake.

"It seems we are ready."stated Pein.

"Indeed we are." respondes Obito.

"Well then,[Gedo Kuchiyose no Jutsu]!" rored Pein, and a huge statue with closed eyes appeared.

"Well then. It's the beginning of the end of this era of violence, and the start of the era of peace!"exclaimed Pein, and the Bijuu extraction processed and no one outside of this group even knew of what was happening.

Few weeks later, all the Jinchuurikis were dead by the time the gedo statue opened all it's eyes. And the end _had begun_.

At that day, a huge spike of Chakra that was felt through the entire world was unleashed from Amegakure, the power of said blast strong enough to eradicate Pein's six bodies along with the original one, Konan, and Obito who couldn't escape by using his Kamui ability fast enough.

Only Zetsu was able ta survive and that's only because he escaped before the explosion as he knew what would happen if all the Bijuus were put together in the statue.

In the center of the blast,the dust dispersed showing one single entity that was not there.

It was feminine, and had anyone in Ame seen this figure they would have tried to at least become her friend, not that they would have succeeded in such a task.

A long pale-skinned woman with two white clear eyes along with a third red eye with rings and multiple of what appears to be a magatama on each ring.

This woman was known in the past,the woman who nearly eradicated the world thousand of years ago,her name was, Ootsutsuki Kaguya, The Goddes of Chakra.

Kaguya looked at the world around her, it surely changed than what it was millenias ago.

A movement in the earth around her chaught her attention, and she looked at the source of the sound and her 'child' one black Zetsu appeared from the earth.

"**Welcome back mother.**"Zetsu said.

"Zetsu." Kaguya simply replied.

"**No one in this era are capable of opposing your rule, even Indra's and Asura's reincarnations are not even a pale imitation of the real ones and your children's descendants are not even worth mentioning.**" Zetsu explained.

"I see" said Kaguya simply as Zetsu entered through the sleeves of her kimono, then she used her eyes' abilities to fly and looked and used her chakra to sense the power of the inhabitants of this were disappointing to say the least as far as she was concerned.

"..."

She felt the presence of some people coming her way and with her byakugan she could see them.

Two of them were old, with one of them having bandages and the other having a staff, one other was a guy with a silver gravity-defying hair, together with some weird green spandex wearing man, four in total.

Another guy was heavy musculed along with some females and males using swords and the likes, five in total.

A busty female with an auburn hair and green eyes came into view along with rare sword-weilding individuals, eight in total.

A guy with auburn hair along with another man with sandy-blond hair.

An old man who seemed even older than the first two who Kaguya had seen appeared in her byakugan-enhanced view.

She could see that each of them were prepared for battle so she waited for them.

Everyone of the main villages reached her, and instantly stopped. They could feel it, the danger this woman, no, this _creature_ posed to them.

"So it wasn't any of you, huh?And here I expected that ond of the villages lost their minds, well it seems that a new crazy idiot wants to be a powerhouse with power to back it up." said the bandaged old man, also known as one Shimura Danzo.

"Enough Danzo."retorted the staff-weilding old man, the sandaime hokage Sarutobi Hizuren.

"So, this woman is an enemy huh, she really is dangerous." the busty female, the godaime mizukage Terumi Mei said.

"We are on th same page then." the muscular guy, the raikage, named A said.

"This is trouble." said Rasa, the kazekage.

"This will really kill me one day."said Onoki, the tsuchikage.

The kages looked at each other and their subordinates and on some inspoken singal, Hizuren looked carefully at the enemy.

"Who are you, miss? And what are you doing here?Are you the reason for this crater?" He said bluntly.

Kaguya looked at him blankly and even though she could care less about them, but she was a princess, she could at the very least be nice to them before she killed them.

"Welcome, honored opponents, I am Otsutsuki Kaguya, and as for your other questions, well I am here to take my chakra back and yes I am in a way the reason for this crater" she casually answered.

To say that they were shocked was an understatement.

"Taking back your chakra? Are you crazy little brat!?"screamed Onoki, the others were having the same feelings, their chakra was their life force and losing it equals death.

"I don't care, it's mine so I'm taking it back, it's as simple as that." the goddes replied.

"Not if we can stop you."said Danzo.

On some inspoken singal, Kakashi vanished and reappeared in front of the enemy with his chidori, only for said jutsu to disperse when it came into contact with Kaguya.

Kakashi was shocked but managed to evade a...bone?

"[Detachment of the Primitive World Technique]!"Onoki exclaimed and Kaguya was instantly inside a cube with a sphere in it's center but she wasn't even hurt as she used her power to easily absorb the technique and teleported away from the spandex wearing guy, a clone of Kakashi and A before they managed to hit her with their legs and fists.

"She can absorb chakra, and has such mastery at space-time jutsus to bend them to her will, she really is a monster. Sorry Hizuren but I can't hold back!" Danzo said, taking off his bandages showing the mutated arm and sharingan eyes he grafted in his body.

"I am so going to have a _talk _with you after this" said Hizuren, as while he knows that what his friend did was truly mosterous, he can deal with his rival when or if they survived this battle.

"It's useless. There's no hope for you, not after this![Shadow Clone Technique]! "exclaimed Kaguya and with few handsigns in a second the entire area was filled with tens of thousands of clones of Kaguya, with her chakra reserves that easily surpasses the chakra of all bijuus combined, making few thousand clones is nothing to her, she was quite happy with her rinnesharingan's copying powers.

Using her teleporting powers, she teleported everyone along with her clones into her ice world, encasing everyone but herself in ice.

Her clones used their chakra to simply destroy the ice around their bodies and directed their attention to the annoying pests.

All the clones raised their palms an used her instant kill technique [All-Killing-Ash-Bone] while Kaguya used her monsterous chakra to make sure they were too shocked and immobile, they didn't stand a chance.

Returning to the original world after killing everyonein her ice world, she checked once again.

No sign of opposition, well it is easier this way.

Raising her palm she gathered her energy"[god: Nativity of a World of Trees]"

And the human race became extinct, with their chakra becoming a part of Kaguya's own and in the end, nothing other than her, black Zetsu and the millions of the white Zetsus roamed this forsaken desolate world.

**The End.**

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Star-Vader Omega Glendios:"Obito said it/hinted to it himself in canon; He could have kidnapped all the Jinchuurikis by himself, which made practically almost all of the Akatsuki members look nothing more of a bunch of rings made of diamond that some filthy rich man wears, they appear awesome but nothing impressive in the end."


	2. Chapter 2: Mary Sue deconstruction

oneshot summary: A Mary Sue is supposed to be the perfect female, with power, grace, beauty and charisma. In fiction, yes they are. In reality, not really. This is how a Mary Sue(she will be named Yui in this story if she ever appeared beyond this chapter) will find her life in the Naruto world.

Warning: this could qualify as a "Downer Ending" and could contain character bashing and deaths,and possible adult/sexual themes (spanking) and exaggeration of some situations/concepts/tropes, could also have a positive/negative version from a Naruto character that you dear reader either love/hate, and you can include Breaking The Fourth Wall as well. Read at your own risk!

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**Mary Sue? Not So Much! The Epic Fail Of An Overrated Heroine!**

Star-Vader Omega Glendios:"This oneshot is more like different parts/ideas of the Mary Sue cliches that will be heavily deconstructed. All those parts are not necessarily related to each other, and... the world of Mary Sue wil end! _**[Ultimate Break:World End!]**_"

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**Part 01: Appearing in a forest:**

Star-Vader Omega Glendios:"This part is a deconstruction and a realistic take to how anyone, male or female(need to be more Politically Correct here!) (I won't make a Gary Stu chapter) would react to being thrown in another reality."

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'YES!' Yui, a normal and PLAIN and NORMALLY ATTRACTIVE and with NORMAL bust, waist and hips (seriously what's with all those 'the most beautiful woman in the world' cliche, there are like, more than 3 billion women in the world, and somehow all those who are thrown in another reality are most of the time bunch of bombshells with figures that somehow all other females- in a world where being attractive is something akin to a game trait that could be acquired with no problem or minimal effort-would kill for? Please, cut this author a break) woman screamed in her mind, she was sucked by the tv into her favourite anime show, found herself in a forest, and she couldn't be any happier. Now she would become the best kickass kunoichi, surpass all those bitches, namely _Sakura_ and _Ino_, and have the undying love of her cute and sweet fans especially Sasuke and Naruto!

She started standing only to hear a growling sound behind her. She turned around only to see a big tiger behind her, with said tiger raising his claws to maim her!

Fear gripped her - like any NORMAL person being thrown in another place they didn't see or visit before and put in a dangerous and deadly situations, really, just watch the faces of those being put in death traps in the Saw horror movie series - and moved her body and ran like no tomorrow, only to be terrified as the tiger was easily catching up to her. Obviously it would catch to her, let alone the fact that this tiger wanted to use her as food, but Yui, differently to the tiger didn't have any chakra which automatically made her MUCH weaker than even a Genin with low chakra capacity, add to that the fact that she lived in a world that was mostly sheltered and peaceful so even her physical abilities were NOT in any form equal to Any inhabitant who at least made an effort to at least train a bit.

She tried, oh how she tried to 'summon/awaken her hidden power' but she kept failing miserably because being thrown in another world does not necessarily mean an automatic power-up or gainig a game-breaker ability. It's pretty possible it would be like swimming deep in the ocean with goggles and oxygen bottles, as just being there doesn't give you the ability to swim as fast as fish and the likes of the water creatures. Being REINCARNATED could have gave her the _potential_ to use chakra but let's face the facts: If reincarnation was true then there is always the possibility that other people were also reincarnated which means that there's no guarantee that she is 'The Chosen One' to unite the world, save it or the likes, and let's not forget the possibility of being reborn with physical or mental problems.

She kept running in fear for her life, tears running on her face and sweating from fear as well running, and in this life and death situation, she understood one thing the most; She wasn't a heroine, a villainess, or even a normal and random character in a fictionary show; She is nothing more a woman who was separated from her family, her freinds, and for all she knew she is declared missing/dead in her original world, what with the whole different flow of time between realities and the causality and the Relativity Theory.

She now had to deal-hopelessly- with the fact that she is nothing more than a defenseless sheep in a world where people here kill others like nobody's bussines, where death, torture, experimentation, wars, anarchy and rape happen on a daily basis, add to that the fact that this world's inhabitants might not even speak english or japanese, or any known language in her world at all.

Yui didn't know for how long she was escaping from the tiger (her new nightmare). But she swore in her mind that she will never wish to be put in another reality. If this is just the Naruto world that is always about adventure and hope, and it's this bad, just how horrible other anime worlds could be behind the scenes? Especially worlds that purposely include horrifying situations or ones that could be interpreted as nightmare fuels?

She suddenly fell on the ground, unmoving, her body simply couldn't handle anymore strain, after all, even with chakra there is no way for a civilian that never trained to take that much stress, and no matter how much of a Determinator someone could be, there are limits to anyone that cannot be broken no matter how much you try.

She felt despair and hopelessness filling her. This is not a happy story, not for her. No Plot Armor for her to be saved, and no Deus Ex Machina either. And even if she somehow managed to escape, or the tiger left her, she would have to deal with food, shelter, and even if she managed to secure those things, there is always the chance that another predator would attack her. Either way her chances of survival are slim at best and they're already still decreasing they might as well be an Absolute Zero.

Just one of the countless mooks and useless characters that could easily be taken from this world without any care, that's who she was in this reality. She smiled a hollow smile at that thought.

Yui looked around her with great effort but she couldn't see the tiger, she didn't have time to sigh in relief though as she felt a weight on her back. She turned her head with difficulty and she saw the tiger that was hunting her.

'Impossible...No,no,no,no,NO NO NO NO NO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!' those were her last thoughts as the tiger slashed her head, killing her instantly, her face frozen in an expression of pure horror with eyes wide in fear and despair.

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**Part 02:Stop your Bratty attitude you Weirdo!:**

(Star-Vader Omega Glendios:"This is how the children-who know each other- will act when a Mary Sue who doesn't have the Plot Armor tries to act like the boss of the class and annoy other classmates. This will be a Mary Sue Bashing story.")

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Yui smiled.

It was the theam placement day at the Academy and she turned 12 years old this year and yes she was reincarnated this time and she will gain all she wants!Sadly for her she was born a civilian.

What? Did you expect her to be born as some kind of an Uchiha/Uzumaki/Hyuga/Senju combination with all affinities and all possible bloodlines and abilities that existed and those that did not exist yet?

If so then you dear reader are in the wrong story! And honestly there were probably millions of pregnant females in this world anyway, so the chances that she will be born with some kind of overpowered ability is very slim at best.

Yui entered into the classroom, and most children ignored her (males) or glared at her(females) or chuckled at her wondering wether Hinata will deal with her (males and females).

Personally, Naruto was more liked than her because his antics were at least amusing and his ability at making plans on the fly were things that teachers appreciated. Now if only they could have made his talents and attitude selective to target those who hurt the economy of Konoha and stop him from his vandalism from the beginning...

Yui ignored them, after all there is no way that they don't like her and want to befriend her(keep dreaming little girl), they're simply playing hard to catch!

She went without care to our duck-butt haired resident, who in all honesty would rather fight with our favourite blond.

"Hi Sasuke-kun!"she cheerfully exclaimed.

Sasuke looked at her annoyed. Why would she bug him while she could bother Naruto was beyond him, oh right..Naruto made it clear that he is interested in Sakura and that he also doesn't like her, even though Yui most likely ignored his rejection.

"Leave me alone." he bluntly said. Seriously why the heck is she even bugging him anyway? He had seen her bugging Shikamaru, Kiba and Shino and many other male clan heirs. But she completely ignored his warning, after all Miss Perfect is a friend to anyone and no one could escape her charisma!

She obviously forgot that if Naruto AND Hinata disliked her, someone who they kept learning with as a classmate then she definitely is not charismatic or sweet or attractive pesonality wise, or at least is unable to act the part.

The fact she is acting like a slut because of how much she bugs her male classmates (heirs mostly) and keeps trying flashing them aside, she also didn't have any female friends because of her bratty attitude and her ignorance about her mistakes. Sasuke, while not exactly friends with naruto, he at least respect the fact that they're rivals somewhat, and he also has known other people in Konoha. Naruto himself has a friend/brother in Iruka, and acquaintances in Kiba, Chouji, Shikamaru and Shino. And he's a good friend with Sakura and Ino,and sometimes talks with Hinata.

It was one of the few good results of Yui's useless actions, as when she started at the academy, she started antagonizing almost everyone(she kept talking about being a protagonist and everyone else being nothing more than a bunch of NPCs and beneath her notice even though no one understood her) and kept bugging the girls, especially Sakura who she kept insulting by saying that she is 'a flatchested slutty bitch with an unreasonably big forehead'.

First of all, the flat chest insult is completely inaccurate, since Sakura was OBVIOUSLY 5-6 years old at that time, therefore she won't have some kind of a bombshell for a chest until she is at least 14 or older, genetics could also be included in the growth formula.

Secondly, the 'slutty bitch' comment is, from almost all her classmates' viewpoint is hypocritical since Yui keeps trying to seduce the male heirs, and kept ignoring everybody else.

Finally, the 'forehead' comment while true but it was also unnecessary.

What really changed things from the supposed future was the fact that she started her acts from the beginning, and thanks to that the girls didn't like her first, and since Yui started antagonizing Sakura along with the others from the start, the girls felt that they should unite against such a threat, helping Sakura from being bullied by the mad girl.

And her extremely annoying acts of 'love' for the males angered everyone in her class something fierce, which caused the girls to believe that she was a bad example of a kunoichi, so they trained harder to make sure that they aren't such a poor excuse for a kunoichi.

Also, because Naruto already had a crush on Sakura he was quite annoyed and angry at Yui for her insults and at some point screamed to her in front of the whole class that Sakura is very pretty and that her forehead is very charming and attractive.

Sakura nearly fainted from the embarrassment and happiness at that declaration. She couldn't stop blushing and being very embarrassed when the other girls teased her about her 'blond knight' though.

Sakura befriended Naruto thanks to him standing up for her, and Ino and Hinata came along, and Shikamaru and Chouji followed the wave. And thanks to that Naruto didn't feel to overdo it with his pranks, and he had also trained more seriously, which helped him graduate without worrying about the Clone Jutsu.

He still was tricked to steal the forbidden scroll by Mizuki though so he knew About the kyuubi.

They also trained together in groups so there was no real problems with teamwork. Except Yui who didn't care about the opinions of the 'NPCs'.

Even Sasuke and Shikamaru trained with them, if only so Yui won't bug them all the time.

Unfortunately for Yui, she took what she deserved last year when she wanted to fight Hinata for Naruto's hand(yes she was dumb enough to ask a 11 year old child's hand) and failed for few reasons.

First, they're children so no one is going to take the bet seriously(real fact).

Second, Hinata was far from being the shy girl she was at the beginning of the school, the effect of having emotional suport from Naruto, Ino and Sakura (people who most of the time wear their hearts on their sleeves and are pretty vocal and confident) and the rest of her classmates giving her a nice confidence boost to fight without fear, and even if she wasn't confident, as long as the opponents are not too high leveled, just one juuken strike to her enemies is capable of defeating or weakening them.

So even if Hinata won't be able to defeat her cousin Neji any time soon, defeating one little brat is simple and easy enough.

Third, Hinata became quite annoyed when Yui kept insulting her by calling her a bimbo whore.

Seriously, she barely shows anything of her body with her clothes and her breasts were NOWHERE that big enough to be insulted like that!

On a side note, Naruto, the crazy and imaginative one in the class theorized that there might be another reality where Yui's wild imagination was a fact and Sakura outright exclaimed about what kind of reality where she, Ino, Hinata or any girl for that matter will be that desperate to sleep with a guy and Shino feeling left out simply pointed at Yui and laughter erupted in class.

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Star-Vader Omega Glendios who at that time were watching/reading/writing/recording the events shook their head at the sad fact that this is how many other 'realities' were becoming these days.

Just give your 'Protagonist' a game-breaker ability and all women/guys in their dimension, or any dimension for that matter will want their babies and become a bunch of psychotic nymphos for them, or if they didn't and the guy/girl wanted them, well it seems that the 'It's Not Rape If They Enjoyed It' phrase is some kind of a universal concept in those realities. Of course we all take it as some kind of epic seduction or a black comedy rape, oh well!

* * *

Anyway back to the story, oh yes, so Hinata 'fought' Yui in the training field that saturday (the students don't stay anymore than 3 hours instead of 5 and they didn't have much study material that week) at 8:00, with predictable results.

**(Flashback)**

"You remember the rules; only when your opponent forfeits you win! And the winner can punish the loser with anything as long as it isn't slavery, doesn't cause permanant damage or takes up a lot of their time. BEGIN!" shouted the female teacher Amai Keiko(OC for female-female battles in the academy and another teacher for seduction and 'female' arts), even though she could already see the winner, especially with the rule that Yui decided on. Hinata simply went with that since there is no disadvantage to her.

Yui didn't bother trying to look into her opponent's stance or discern her style, since she obviously 'knew' all about the 'bimbo' then she will definitely win!

She rushed at Hinata blindly, using her fist to punch directly without any plans, after all she won before the battle began.

Hinata simply sidestepped to the left, and touched her extended arm using juuken, making that arm useless.

Yui screamed from pain as she didn't expect miss Shy Girl to directly attack her without care.

Hinata looked at her and smiled 'gently' and said "Had enough? You seem hurt" No doubt being with a bunch of clever and devious people was more effective on her personality than what any one thought.

"Not even close! When this battle ends the loser will be very sorry!" Yui backfired.

Hinata shrugged, then quickly appeared on her side with a kawarimi and hit Yui's other arm, her legs, and stopped attacking, with her right hand just about to touch Yui's heart.

The entire exchange took less than 5 minutes.

Said girl was frozen in place. She tried to understand what happened but couldn't do that.

Hinata sighed "Just give up, you lost. And if you continue trying you'll only embarrass yourself even more."

Yui ,even though she was unable to use chakra or move her limbs, was too stubborn for her own good and shook her head vehemently"I won't accept anything more than my victory!"

* * *

Star-Vader Omega Glendios shook their head and they could already see the reader's reaction.

It never ceased to amuse them how every time a 'hero/protagonist' says such lines like the ones that Yui just said, almost every one will be enjoying how much of a 'badass/awesome' they are but the 'villain/antagonist' gets ridiculed or insulted for saying/doing the same lines or acts.

"Oh dear readers there will be a _**(MINOR SPANKING SCENE)**_ read at your own risk! And as you already saw, Naruto characters are OOC, so don't complain to me about how I portray Hinata or tell me that she won't do that or that she is too nice to hurt someone, especially if you are also another 'god' in this multiverse we call (fan fiction . net ) and turned your Hyuga Hinata/Naruto and any version of him/your OCs into some kind of a bombshell/hunk who started giving sexual/ whatever service to your protagonist/dimension's characters even before she/he is 10 years old or turned him/her into some kind of god(dess) who with a wave of hand could kill all the bijuus combined along with the insane cheat-code named the Jyuubi, permanantly that is, and yes I've seen such dimensions. And remember, children can be very cruel. And so am I! That's why I made the Mary Sue without any of the usual powers and charisma she normally has. Without a 'god''s favouritism, she is useless." Star-Vader Omega Glendios told.

"And a warning: NEVER mimic/ copy/ try to do what's going to happen in this scene to ANY child, that's child abuse by our reality's standards. I should warn because no one knows if a child who is too smart for his own good would read this! And I am overdoing the whole thing!"

* * *

Yui shook with anger. How could she ever lose!

"I won't give up! As long I don't forfeit I haven't lost!"

"A smarter person would have given up by now."Hinata looked smugly at her. "But since you want to be humiliated this much I think there is no choice, and the loser will feel very sorry indeed" she smirked at her opponent.

"W-What are you talking about?!"Yui screamed in anger mixed with fear.

Hinata slowly closed in, making sure to scare Yui by looking as evil as she could. Yui managed to stop herself from forfeiting, even though it was probably better for her if she had just forfeited.

She was directly in front of her and quickly gagged her by using a piece of cloth that she took ftom inside her jacket (ninja are pragmatic), making Yui unable to speak clearly to make sure that she won't be able to forfeit.

"MMMMM!"

"I wonder what she is planning to do now." Ino thought out loud and the rest were sharing her thoughts.

"Well then, you are completely unable to escape, not with you bound and your chakra sealed anyways." Yui felt worried in front of Hinata's nonchalant voice.

"Just before,you said that you won't lose as long as you didn't give up."Hinata kept talking "But you really should have made the losing condition simpler and easier to acheive. That way I wouldn't have had the chance to do this to you. Now you have no one to blame but yourself."

Hinata then used her byakugan to make sure that she won't move any time soon, afterwards she quickly returned to the classroom.

"Oh, I think that someone will be very humiliated before school ends" Naruto pointed.

Hinata quickly returned with a chair in her hands and spoke politely to Keiko "Teacher, can I get permission to do what I should to win this fight?"

Keiko sighed, she KNEW that something like this could happen in a kunoichi's life, as slim the chances were "You are permitted Hyuga, but before that."

"Listen to me! All boys are to return home, girls may stay if they want! If I see a boy here I'll put them at detention!"

"Eeehh!? Why teacher? Please I want to see!" Naruto (he is still innocent, his Sexy Jutsu aside) was the loudest while Sasuke, Shino and Shikamaru either knew or didn't care so they excused themselves quickly.

"Well, for one, it's something that only females may see without any problem and if you boys wanted to watch then I would have to give you the same punishment your classmate is going to get." Keiko lied through her teeth, after all she can't tell the boys' families that their children had just seen a bare-bottom spanking and that she allowed them to-that and the girls might have taken such a punishment at some point, after all not all of-, and she saw that they believed her lie and went home. Naruto also went home after Sakura promised to tell him if it wasn't very embarrassing.

A minute after the boys left Hinata went to Yui -who now understood what would happen to her and was shuddering and screaming uselessly through her gag- and picked her up with one hand and dragged her to the chair. She sat on it and had Yui put on her knees.

"I told you before, you should have forfeited when you had the chance." Yui was terrified by now and she couldn't escape.

"And even if you somehow managed to take off the cloth and forfeited, I could easily use your punishment to do what I am about to do, to you, either way you lose. You have no choice other than taking what I am going to dish at you. And since you enjoy insulting us girls for being 'slutty', then let's see how 'innocent and childlike' your underwears are."

Hinata then swiftly took off Yui's pants showing her black lace panties. Hinata raised an eyebrow at her choice in underwear.

"Ha! she kept insulting us for wearing normal or ninja clothes while she is the one wearing a perverted underwear! what a hypocrite!" snorted Sakura.

"So true, forehead!" responded Ino with the other girls agreeing to them.

Keiko felt a headache coming to her 'Maybe I should have tried more to convince her to have me interfere if things became too bad, but then again maybe she would learn something from this? I can only hope...'.

Everyone (females) looked back as Hinata raised her hand and...

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

Spanked Yui, hard, and forcefully (without juuken naturally, she just wants to humiliate the brat, not cripple her permanantly).

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

Hinata alternated between the cheeks, making sure to give both of them the 'attention' they deserve.

Yui was screaming even though her screams and yells were muffled by the gag. 'I should have been the one humiliating and spanking her, not the other way around!'

"Feeling sorry?" Hinata looked at her face, only to see Yui's eyes glaring at her. "Hmmm, I guess not."

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

By now, Yui's cheeks were turning quite red -those in her back because of the spanking and those on her face because of embarrassment- and tears were falling from her eyes.

"You know?-SLAP!-" Hinata started saying. "You should have-SLAP!- listened to me-SLAP!- and forfeited-SLAP!- when you-SLAP!- had the chance!-SLAP!- Now I can-SLAP!- keep doing this-SLAP!- as long as I want-SLAP!- and you-SLAP!- can do nothing-SLAP!- to stop me-SLAP!- or save yourself!"

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

Yui's ass was taking now a cute shade of red from how hard the spanking was. 'No, no more, it hurts! it hurts a lot! Just stop!' she thought, crying while being spanked.

Even in her previous life she was never severely punished by her _previous_ parents and definitely not spanked.

After few more minutes Hinata stopped her hand, rubbing it on Yui's ass.

"Now _Yui-chan_, had enough? Just nod if you agree, if you don't well I can keep this for hours. Take you choice."

Yui nodded quickly "Good! But beforehand I'll have to warn you about your punishment for losing and this is non-negotiable, not to you anyway." Hinata smirked evilly at her.

Yui's heart dropped.

"You will be forced to to stop annoying the class for a whole week, or I will tan your rear again." Hinata's face was qute devilish.

"And trust me, I can."

Yui gulped. It seems that there's no escape from this.

**(Flashback End)**

That humiliating episode of Yui's idiocy aside, things returned to normal just after a week or so, much to Naruto's and the others' annoyance. Obviously she just was too scared of being dealt with like that again, as she just finished her punishment' condition and then returned to her original unbearable personality.

"Silence!" the sound of the teacher Iruka stopped the murmurs of the graduated children, and fortunately stopped Yui's hopeless advances on Sasuke.

"Team placements are:(the same canon teams)" he said.

"Teacher! what about me!? Why aren't I on team 7?!" Yui exclaimed, as she didn't hear her name.

"Well Yui-chan, since you didn't try to make an effort to befriend your classmates and that you also are actually an extra student so you will be on the list for the reserves. As for not being in team 7, the team is already filled with 3 genins and a jonin. We can't put you in a completed team after all." Iruka said.

"NOOOOOO!" Yui miserably screamed. Naruto snickered at her. "We were destinated to be a team." she said unhappily.

"...NO! I won't accept this!" muttered Yui.

**(9 months**** later (I think it should have passed that much time at least, we all know that anime doesn't take the conept of time very well, just watch Detective Conan, even after what should be at the very least two years IN THE SERIES IF we take every case as a one-day situation, he is still in the first year))**

Sasuke was having lunch with his team, tired as he was after the damn Oto-Suna invasion.

Orochimaru was killed in the fight between him and Hizuren as when Orochimaru was distracted in one of the more intense battles he had, Naruto -who woke up before Kakashi approached him to tell him to stop Gaara- appeared above Orochimaru's barrier (he used shadow clones to not get burned by the barrier) and summoned Gamabunta, right above Orochimaru who wasn't capable of escaping in time and his entire body was crushed to death (no matter how strong you are you _still _need your head and heart to live as long as you are a human, right?), the barrier being destroyed by the big toad's weight.

"Hey guys, did you hear about what happened to Yui after the invasion?" Sakura asked.

"Oh yeah, she tried to kill Ero-sennin after the fight and got stripped from the ninja ranks and was jailed for her troubles." Naruto responded.

"Couldn't have surprised me." Sasuke was uncaring.

**(meanwhile in the T&I)**

"Is this true, Inoichi? This seems too farfetched than possible." Hizuren asked the head of the T&I department. The report he just read about what the yamanaka's jutsu found in the imprisoned mad girl's mind is... disturbing, to say the least.

"Yes! Hokage-sama!" responded the blond man.

Hizuren rubbed his head preparing for the coming headache.

"A whole different reality where we are nothing but just an imagination. Talk about impossibility come true." Shikaku added his opinion.

"I am more worried about those 'alternate realities' of our world and our... alternate personalities in them." Hizuren said honestly.

"I'll just show you with my jutsu, and it's better that way as I still can't believe it."

"Please do, Inoichi" the Hokage ordered.

Inoichi did so, and the three watched both fascinated and disturbed about some of the 'realities' that Yui knew of, disturbed especially of the ones where Naruto ends up being tortured just for the hell of it, let alone where he, as a male or female ends up being raped and broken just to make him/her kill anything that moves in their sight.

Hizuren was quite baffled about how out of character his versions are in those, ones who wallow in self-loathing, and ones who make such situationd happen while smiling in their hearts, and some who are so nonchalant that they allowed OROCHIMARU to kidnap him just because it would be _safer _that way. Pretty crazy he can only say.

The other weird ones where those, as they understood, with a ridiculous 'pairing' like those with Hashirama and Madara.

Shikaku snorted at that. If that was ever true in their world then it would be the day the Nara males would start training like Might Gai.

Inoichi was more worried about the Ino Naruto pairing. Nothing personal to the boy (he really respects him) but NO ONE WILL TOUCH HIS SWEET PRINCESS! Not on his watch! His wife though...

"What should we do with her then?" Shikaku asked in all seriousness.

"I think the best option is we take all the information needed, and then... Take care of her." Hizuren answered them.

"Not to mention, things are already different than that 'Canon' she knew by a lot, the fact that Orochimaru died while you lived Hokage-sama, and that Naruto's relation with his team is more stable than what she knew." Inoichi added.

"The informations she has about those Akatsuki guys and Danzo's activities is one hell of a knowledge though, no doubt they will be useful in the future." Shikaku stated.

"I'll call Jiraiya and tell him about this, and we must bring back Tsunade ASAP as well, not with what could happen to her if that 'Fanon' is anything to go by." Hizuren said and promptly sunshin'ed out, leaving the two men to deal with the unconscious girl.

* * *

"WHERE THE HELL AM I!"

The 'woman/girl' who was once known as Okino Yui found herself in a place where all colors were _everywhere_, and she couldn't find her way out of this damned place!

She remembered the fact that she was killed by that Inoichi guy after they invaded her head.

How she hated it!

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" a voice resounded from every direction that has the human look everywhere futilely until a figure appeared.

A woman who looked 20 or so, has a long red hair and eyes, a good figure that was complimented with what appears an armor that showed her curves and didn't hide her abdomen and legs (the image of this story).

What worried Yui was the void of black that was behind her and the red aura around the woman's figure.

"W-Who are you?!" Yui asked with fear.

"I am who dragged you here, or the Naruverse in general, and my name is... well I am _not_ exactly Star-Vader Omega Glendios, after all this for is just an Avatar I use in this realm, call me Illusion, as I am an entity who doesn't actually exist." the now-named Illusion said smiling.

"And, I have no need for you anymore, now disappear!" Illusion said nastily as Yui's body began being disintegrated and being sucked into the black vortex behind Yui.

"W-Wait a minute! What do you mean with this?!"

"Your entire _lives_ were nothing more than an imagination that I, that _we_ created, pages and words written just for our and _their_ entertainment! We also were the ones who had you humiliated by your classmates. Not that our entire universe is actually real mind you, but don't worry because even if we were deleted, we'll stay with _them_ forever~!"

Yui watched in muted horor herself being absorbed into the -in her mind- instoppable insane woman, becoming part of her, _forever_.

**THE END.**


	3. Chapter 3: My rant and ideas

summary: a rant against some Naruto fanfic cliches and (sometimes) really annoying concepts.

Warning: could be offensive to some people's opinions, might be taken as a bashing for some Naruverse pairings or characters. Fourth Wall Breaking and possible language and the rest of adult warnings (might be taken as offensive/ fun) and possible dark themes. This story is generally a deconstruction so keep that in mind. Don't like don't read! You were warned!

P.S: The 'really annoying' part of the summary is not really true, but hey this story is _named_ 'Deconstruction & Reality Ensues' for a reason, any cliches this author is talking about are not neccessarily hated, hell they might be enjoyed by _them_. But in this story, _they_ have to be negative about it, sorry, in advance.

* * *

A woman appears out of thin air, long red hair and eyes, an attractive body that has nice breast and curves, with her body covered with a dark colored armor that is black on the top, covering her breasts and dark blue from there and down, showing her abdomen and legs that are not covered (image of the story).

She stands on the...multi-colored void.

She smiles a nice smile.

"Welcome to this page of this...story." she said.

"As you can see here, dear reader(s), the fact that you read this means that either you were interested in this story, or series of oneshots, or, you just stumbled on this page by mistake and just went and started reading, yeah, that is quite possible, hehe." she chuckles.

"Well, as you know, Star-Vader Omega Glendios, the author (and yes, I know that _they_ are not that card with the Intant-Win Condition) is deconstructing this Naruverse reality, and puts them down to Earth with... some riduculous results and endings, good or bad." she smiles humorously at that.

"Anyway, my name is Illusion, the avatar of this _entity_ who governs my mentality, body and my very existence, in this _story_ that you are reading of course, at least, and I will talk in _their_ place, so I will be 'accompanying' you for a while, until this 'story' ends, probably. But please call me Illusion-chan." she smiles serenely.

She creates a chair and sits, putting a leg on another.

"But staying here and chatting will not get us anywhere, so I will explain what is going to happen here in this 'chapter', _we_ are going to rant about the Naruverse, what cliches and characters that we saw, are seeing and will point on some things that were either overused/overrated or the opposite. And I could care less about the negative reactions that _we_ might get." her smile turns mischevious at that.

"My reactions in this chapter will be put in '*...*'."

"And for that, there are some things to point out, this is a rant so obviously there are going some people who won't like it but you can't please everybody. That's why there are some things that I ask you to consider and try to do." she explains.

"First: be _objective_, sometimes you need to not be bound by your feeling to a character. That means: don't look at this rant with Naruto-colored glasses, especially the protagonist's viewpoint."

"Second: keep in mind that this is _not_ a bashing, but trying to put things in a realistic way, with a twist here and there as my opinion on how some things could have went depending on the _Naruverse's_ concepts combined witth my own crazy ideas." she finished.

"I will try to be down to Earth with my rant, and keep in mind that this _is _a deconstruction, so there are things you won't like but you can as well take some of my ideas and opinions if you want to make a realistic/interesting story. It's your choice."

"Now that this is taken care of, let's start!" she smiles a wide smile.

* * *

**My Rant And Ideas**

Now that is out of the way, we will talk about 2 things in general, Cliches and Ideas.

* * *

**I) Cliches:**

We all generally know about them, those ideas and plots that get used by the fandoms so much that they somtimes become akin to the canon, well these are some of them that sometimes irritate me from how much I see them and how they could be interpreted differently.

1) Naruto(ko)'s abuse:

well, this is _not_ impossible to happen, as Naruto _was_ once attacked with a broom by a store owner in the anime/manga while people were apparently enjoying the 'show'. So the villagers trying to do more is, as I said, not impossible.

*getting irritated*

What annoys me is WHY DOES EVERYONE IN THE FANDOM (a good amount, but not all, actually) EXAGGERATE IT TO RIDICULOUS LEVELS?!

Naruto gets beaten, tortured, raped, skinned, burned, stabbed and more, but WHY doesn't he have any mental traumas of these atacks other than being anti-social and everyone with the same problems or worse gets bashed?!*screams in annoyance*

Especially rape, I've read like, only 3 or 4 fanfics so far where THAT caused him an actual mental problem, one where he has an extreme fear of women, or of them sexually trying to gain his attention at least (Ino and Hinata were the ones who tried and it ended poorly), in another, he flinches at being touched (it is a DXD crossover but forgot the name), and in a third he is a sadist who doesn't give a damn about turning Sasuke into a literal sex toy for the females of konoha (_his mother and the_ _Uzumakis_ were the ones who did that).

In most fanfics, the abuse (s)he receives is only there to make him/her more 'righteous/morally correct', not to actually make him grow as a character.*might be wrong, might be right, depending on dear reader's viewpoint and the fanfic in question*

If that was in reality, let alone being afraid of being touched or other phobias, the person would probably kill themselves, become empty husks or become insane from the torture, if they didn't die while or after it happened.

And the idea that Naruto(ko) will be able to take it and not raise a fuss more than "p-please stop!" and "w-why do they do that to me!?" is plain ridiculous, especially with a child's mentality which puts practically everything into the whole 'Black and White Morality' trope, that means: Naruto will _utterly loath and hate_ those who did that to him, or have an extreme fear of them and will want them _to go away_-wether dead or not is up to debate. He will not be like 'I forgive you' or 'no! give them another chance!', or...Naruto(ko) will become a sadist and starts enjoying rape and torture, with him/her being on the giving end, that is. And it could make him think that it is _normal_ to have those things happen to anyone.

Meaning: an abused Naruto is a ticking bomb that could kill everyone, and I mean _everyone_, and with the Shadow Clones and the henge...*shudders at the horrifying implications*

2) Naruto's concept about danger and his attitude toward it:

Related to the above, Naruto being abused and attacked repeatedly, probably on a daily basis -wether it did or didn't result in the above- or simply healing fast and never getting sick could easily twist his concept of danger, as an example: He gets tortured daily but keeps healing (a fact) therefore, if he saw someone else get the same treatment, he might not actually think it is a big deal and simply shrug and believe that they will heal afterward, especially before graduating since the Kyuubi is a 'supposed secret'.*says in a matter-of-fact tone*

Also, that makes him a seriously poor judge of the situations and threat levels because he will take _his body and it's healing factor_ as the base so he could easily kill/ cripple anyone he works with as a result by pushing them beyond their capacities.

And yet he always in fanfics has a normal concept and awareness about them. And to be honest, his (over)confidence could be an effect from his twisted awareness about that.

3) Naruto's Sexy Jutsu:

We all know it, the jutsu where he transforms into a naked girl to get other men knocked by a nosebleed.*rolls her eyes in amusement*

Well, it _is _indeed comedic and funny to see that happen but think about _what_ made naruto believe that _that_ jutsu is a good idea to create...*shivers*

The fact that a _child_ thought that it is a good idea means that Naruto had either: a) seen women stripping _completely naked_ and _enjoying_ doing so, or b) had to deal with his hormones and_ copied_ a female appearance to do so since no one told him how to, or c) he saw that females were treated better so he wanted to be one.

In either case, Naruto had to deal with strippers or possible female pedophiles, or had to deal with his (possible) sexual urges-especially if the idea that he lives close to the red light district is to be believed, or he was accepting that he, as a _male_ is _worthless_ and he needs a gender change to be respected.*eyes show horror*

4) Oversexualisation/ Undersexualisation:

Again, I have no problems with anyone's fanfics, and I honestly read many fanfics with that concept and still do.*tries to be as placating as possible*

But it sometimes gets ridiculous when people make, well, Hinata/Naruko (as an example) into some kind of a big breasted girl (C-cup or higher) when she is freaking _ten or younger_, and this is just the most noticeable change, others include an exaggerated body figure (nothing less than a perfect one), and somehow every (wo)man will want to get laid with her even though in reality, not every one will have a liking for her body because of their preferances.*sighs at the insanity*

And somehow these girls in question don't give a damn about that attention or they enjoy it even when they really should be worried.*shakes her head*

And inversely, females who are attractive and have better figure in the manga/anime end up having their figure becoming less appealing and attractive.

And I have to say that Studio Pierrot had already _did_ this with Sakura and Hinata, I've seen the images/desings where Sakura was suppossed to have cuter and more busty figure and Hinata, a less busty one, but...

5) (Instant) Power-Up=Harems/Brainwash:

This is more for OP!/BAMF!/Godly! Naruto fics, not the others ;

I read _many_ of them, but if taken realistically, they're really, really dumb.*shighs exasperatedly*

And it is _always_ Naruto or his version who has this cliche for them. Have Sasuke, Jiraiya, or anyone else really, give them this cliche and they are most of the time the evil maniac who wants to enslave (all the women in the) world and should be stopped, _obviously_ by _Naruto_ and then have him bang every other woman because... *shrugs helplessly*

Also, WHY is it only when Naruto gets a power-up that women start throwing themselves on him, and somehow start getting jealous over every other female that makes some kind of advances on him? Can't he get a harem with only his pre-chunin exam skills or he is so unappealing that he needs to get an OP power for that? (i.e. Anko asks/begs BAMF Naruto to spank her and he agrees then every woman in the area, including Ino, Hinata, Yugao, Kurenai and _more_ (Sakura's opinion is up to debate with how much she appears to be bashed) gets pissed that it's not them who is being spanked).*facepalms*

Not to mention, the females don't, in most cases, want to share their male counterpart even with just one other female then how could she share him with _four or more females_?

It gets even weirder when _married and engaged_ women confess their love for BAMF Naruto while they have their husbands/boyfriends and abondon them and/or their children just to sleep with Naruto, it is easily the Naruto version of the whole 'For Uchiha Sasuke-sama!' concept, just 'without' the negative results that is caused by it (divorce, violence, orphans, suicide, etc).

And realistically, only Hinata will probably like Naruto like that at that time (before chunin exams) and even she won't throw herself on him, she was _so shy_ at that time that she will probably faint with him just holding her hands. No other woman, _especially_ an older kunoichi will lose her mind and act like that, so unless Naruto gained some kind of mind controlling ability, and he has no problem using it, he won't gain the harem.*explains seriously*

Honestly, the only way he could acquire a harem is by some serious circumstances (i.e. gaining women as spoils of war or capturing them as an enemy and politics.) and even then, he is too nice and he needs to be more careful/strict -which is not in his character most of the time- since they might want to kill him for 'enslaving / using' them, a completely logical reason.

6) Naruto(ko) gets banished (or killed then given another chance in life) and vows to destroy Konoha:

The entire trope is practically named by me as the Village Bashing Trope, as it is pretty easy to know what's going to happen; protagonist gets the shaft, gets betrayed by their vilage thanks to the 'evil council/power behind the scenes', returns ofter becoming OP, burns the damn village while sparing the loyal ones and marries their dream lover(s) and live happily.

But there are so many logical problems in that:

First: Naruto is the freaking jinchuuriki, a _nuke_ by our world's standard, there's no way they will execute him. Enslave him, maybe, seals are capable of that at least, and banishing him? He is a damn _diamond_! Why will they throw him away while the others could and would kidnap/accept him into their ranks!?*screams in confusion*

Second: There's no 'evil council', I checked the damn wiki, the _only_ ones are the Hokage and the elders, and the HOKAGE has the decisive voice, THAT'S ALL!*happy and smug that the truth is in manga/anime*

Third: Okay, so Naruto was exiled from Konoha, then WHY THE HELL WOULD HE RETURN!?*screams in hysteria* Honestly it's more logical for someone as screwed in his brain that they would go to a place where no one will find him! He can stay in a cave, kill a tiger/whatever, cook it, do his chores and train there and no problems, what with most people he met in Konoha hating and wanting to overprice him and all that. Loved ones be damned, everyone has a limit for their patience, and realistically Naruto's had expired the moment they betrayed him.

7) Bashing:

Well, I don't hate the fact that a character is getting bashed, but it gets boring when she reappears only to be bashed again, and most of the time it is the same thing, a serious case of egoism bordering god complex and every action she does is strictly self-centric and evil, and most of their 'good' qualities get thrown out of the window and their negative ones get an increase Up To Eleven, turning a possibly realistic character into a one-dimensional evil character.

8) OverPowering/UnderPowering a character:

A simple concept, really. A character that's originally weak becomes over 9000 power level, or an extremely powerful one gets weakened to a ridiculous level.

This concept could be easily seen in bashing fics, as an example: Sasuke (the bashed character), who gained the EMS by killing both Sakura and Itachi fights Naruto and loses...because Naruto has a freaking crazy bloodline that allows him to alter reality to his heart's content and made himself immune to all illusions, able to absorb all chakra natures, oh and he has an eye that allows him to create black holes and erase the planets.

Yeah, Naruto _was not being overpowered at the slightest_.*says in deadpan*

The weirdest thing is that sometimes, this cliche is there to weaken a character and make her humiliated just for the heck of it, and even the protagonist is not immune to it, sometimes in the stupidest ways.

I had once seen a fic where Naruko was sexually harrassed in the academy by Sasuke and Mizuki, and was raped by Mizuki later and managed to beat him to an inch of his life by Shadow Clones, then in the next chapter Sasuke wanted to get his turn and caught her, and instead of escaping and using her new jutsu to distract / knock him she did nothing and just whimpered and practically allowed him to have his way with her without actually resisting.

That's ridiculous. She could have freaking killed him with no problem, especially with her DAMN HENGE! She was having a danger breathing at her neck, yet she did nothing.

This is an exapmple to how _easy_ it was for her to kill him, and also just how _twisted_ her abuse could make her, this will be quite **dark**:

{

"No..." she whimpered "Don't touch me!" the fear on her face made Sasuke enjoy the whole thing even more, soon she will be come his slave...

"It's useless" he said smugly,catching both her hands with his left hand and groping her breasts with the other, closing his face to hers.

'No,nonono,NONONO!NOT AGAIN!' with fear and insanity clouding her she attacked with the most basic way she instictually knew, she used her mouth and sharp teeth to bite him on the face, her efforts drawing blood and taking a small part of his cheeks.

"AAGHH!" he screamed and lost his grip on her to clutch at his bleeding cheek, freeing her.

"NO!I WONT BE TOUCHED! I WONT BE USED! I WONT BE VIOLATED!"she kept screaming in hysteria and insanity while covering her breasts, feeling exposed even if she wasn't naked.

She quickly looked at Sasuke as he groaned and went to her direction seething "YOU BITCH! THE COUNCIL WIL-!" he didn't finish as Naruko punched him quickly at his bleeding cheek, quickly following with a kick to his groin.

He screamed as he felt the kick thrown at his junk, falling to the ground.

"KILL MEN! KILL RAPISTS! KILL WOMEN! KILL RAPISTS! KILL SADISTS! KILL SEXISTS! KILL EVERYONE! KILL THE ENTIRE WORLD!" she kept screaming slipping even more into the grasp of the insanity.

"SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!" she yelled, making handseals and filling the entire empty class with hundreds of clones of her, and Sasuke couldn't comprehend anything, and then he paled when all of them looked murderously at him.

"Did you know, _Sasuke_? My Henge is a very good, creative and wild one!" she chirped sweetly, but for a girl who he sexually harrassed and traumatized, the madnes in her voice and expression was plain _terrifying_ for him.

"HENGE!" all the Narukos shouted and transformed into what Sasuke could identify as nothing more than nightmaish figures.

Beasts, human-looking creature who have nasty claws, monsters that had huge jaws that could crush his body.

He wet himself at the sight.

"Eat him alive. He after all wanted to know how _being inside of me_ feels like!" she ordered gleefully and he had no time to scream as he was quickly crushed by the jaws of a clone that transformed into what seemed to be a huge tiger.

And Uchiha Sasuke was no more.

Naruko looked at what was the last place where he existed, and quickly henged into a huge bird and went into the Hokage monument with her clones doing so.

She looked at Konoha and smiled evilly, and spammed clones all around her. After hours the village was in disarray as they realized her and Sasuke's disappearance.

But it was too late as more than _5000_ clones who were henging as birds stationed above the Hokage monument took that as their sign to take off and each went inside of a house, library, shop, and henged into a beastly creature, and started destroying everything inanimate within their sight, and everyone too weak to fight back, children and crippled/injured ninja in the hospitals, along with civilians in their houses or any place with a henged clone were bitten and killed with no defense, the staffs as well without any problem.

Foods, money books and tools for medicine or anything really were smashed, or/and lost their usefulness

Ninja tried to fight but there were too many, as even now, Naruko kept making clones and having them attack at the resistance, and slowly but surely, the ninjas kept getting more and more injured while she just made more clones every time they 'died'.

And in the end, practically all the civilians were killed, sure some ninja are still alive, but they were apparently the elites of the village.

Naruko smiled at the destroyed village, her objective acheived, she henged into a small bird and flew as fast as her 'new' body could. Away from the dying village.

}

Yeah, I know, I'm a horrible person okay!? I am a horrible person with a horrible mind!*appears offended*

Yeah I exaggerated but you get my point I guess, this is just an example about how disturbing and traumatic abuse can be and how stupid some overpowering/ underpowering can be.

9) Double Standards:

I _just_ know that people might or will flame me for this but hey at least I try.*smiles sweetly it gets annoying*

We all know those scenes, or at least have heard/wrote about them, Jiraiya peeps on Tsunade/any female, and he gets punched to the sky for his trouble, no one bats an eye.

Swap the genders and everyone lose their heads, unless it's a Tsunade/said female bashing fic but that's neither here or there.

I get that you guys AND girls want to have some concept from _our_ reality but at least, can you please not make Naruto like some kind of a saint where he won't ever hit women?*asks gently*

Haaahhh...He can kill, tear and torture hudreds of men and doesn't bat an eye, and then a female comes to fight him and he instantly stops thinking all his fighting scenarios and _hesitates_? And then he is fighting her but severely limits himself even though she is so skilled that holding back might cost him his life so that she will not get severely hurt?

This is ridiculous, and in their world, even more so!

They are living in a world of _death_! I am pretty sure that the ninja who want to kill you won't give a damn about your gender, they will kill you because you are in their way or their enemy.

You sometimes call ninja who kills a female without remorse a 'misogynist' and 'sexist' and really, it is idiotic.

This 'misogynist/sexist' has to fight to protect his country, his family, his companions, and his life, had to escape hunters, missing nins, the other villages, and traps that are quite gruesome that might surpass the Saw hooror movie series in the sadistic and disgusting details and you are telling him to throw all of that just because a female is fighting him and he has to oblige her, a woman he never met, or knew about, and that wants to kill him, and fail those he cares about for the sake of the feelings of a random person he never interacted with? If that was true then Naruto will just need a female telling him that he must die for the sake of the female gender and he will happily pierce his head with a sharp weapon. Yeah, gender _equality_ in fanfics.*overflowing with sarcasm*

Also don't confuse misogyny with sexism! 'Misogyny' is an extreme dislike/distrust for women while 'sexism' means having an extreme prejudice and predetermined and mostly degrading viewpoint regearding the GENDER! not just against females but males as well!*finishes screaming while raising her arms and throwing a temper tantrum*

And logically, those 'feminist' characters are in a way, even worse sexists than those 'sexist men', what with them expecting that all men are perverts/rapists and _complaining_ when a male is not interested in them, especially when they are kunoichis.

A kunoichi is a female who had seen death, rape, anarchy, and torture, and probably experienced them as well, if anything, her being a kunoichi should dull the meaning and concept of double standards.

And in my opinion, the meaning of double standards when it comes to gender in the Naruverse disappeared the moment both henge and seals came into the story. *smiles at the found loophole in the Naruverse gender system* I have other ways to ignore them.*smug smile on the lip*

In some fanfics no one would doubt a woman who screams "RAPIST!" and instantly comes to her aid even if nothing actually happened, well what about a 'woman' who does that and the 'male' screams about how 'he' did nothing and that 'he' is a female because it is a fact? Using seals and henge to physically change the genders and screw the system? It's not actually impossible really, if seals could seal huge beasts that are bigger than a mountain into a baby then why not change genders?

And it isn't just stopping at genders, but extends to the characters as well.

Have Hinata (loved) and Sakura (bashed) join a cooking lesson; Sakura mistakes salt for sugar and everyone is sneering and insulting her skills and intelligence, but have Hinata do the same mistake and everyone except Sakura is praising her for being so close at finishing the dish.

Two people, the same mistakes and opposite reactions from the audience.

Other examples involve:

-Hinata loves Naruto so she deserves him and he **has** to love her, his feelings for Sakura are **not of importance**. And every other female must beat him up until he 'confesses his feelings' to her. And then they (the females) say that love is a _choice_.

-A boy doesn't attack a girl "Are you underestimating me!? Are you not a real man!?" he attacks her "What kind of savage are you!? Don't you know how to treat females!?" And kunoichi _complain_ about men changing their tunes.

-Naruto has as many women as he wants to marry, and no one gives a damn, someone else has more than _one_, and he is a jerkass, womanizer, a sadist who enjoys to torture the 'weaker' gender and should be killed for his sins (unless they were on the 'good' side, AKA: Naruto's, then they're automatically bunch of gentlemen who give their partners the respect and love they want and deserve, even if a little perverted).

I really don't care anymore.*gives up*

10) Ships:

Nothing personal against this, heck I read some fics with strange pairings!*being honest*

And honestly, Naruto the Last and the final 2 chapters are a disappointment in my opinion.

But it sometimes gets repetetive, and really annoying when the pairings are brought in the same way over and over.*sighs exasperately*

An example in most naruhina fics that I have seen:

_Naruto finds that he doesn't like Sakura, so he instantly falls in love with his one and only soulmate Hinata, even though he didn't talk to her a lot and was just few minutes ago in love with Sakura.

_Naruto gets banished/executed and returns stronger than ever wanting to burn the village to the ground, and ends up marrying Hinata who only had, like, 5 minutes to confess her love, and somehow he still remembers it (even after _centuries_ passed for him in his new reality), and he mostly returns after she is either branded with the cage bird seal, is about to be married to a fat rich man/Sakuke/Kiba to give the Hyuugas more influence, goes saving/freeing her and they meet, kiss and then might or might not have sex then and there if the Hinata in that story is some kind of succubus for Naruto.

11) The protagonist is always right. NOT:

This is fanfiction! The concept of 'protagonist' to someone is the concept of 'antagonist' for another!

It sometimes gets irritating to see the same story over and over in the end: Naruto the underdog rises and defeats the big bad and becomes a hero! Or gets revenge. And even more funny is that anything he does is 'right' but whatever anyone, who disagrees with him, does is 'wrong'.

And it's ridiculous.*enjoys the amusement*

Well, let's look at the Naruverse from a 'bashed' character's viewpoint!

Sasuke: lost his entire family by the hands of the brother he dearly respected and was tortured for 72 hours watching the massacre over and over while he was younger than 10, and the fangirls kept harrassing/attacking him because of his looks and he probably thinks that they just want to use him to get his money and to be miss Uchiha-sama and start controlling him. And yet kept his mind sane (to a degree) and didn't break down and lose it only until Orochimaru gave him the curse mark and killed Itachi. Honestly, it's just because of the plot that he didn't get the MS at the start, with how much the pain of seeing his clan massacred for _days_ should be.

Sakura: a sheltered girl who gets bullied at the academy because of her looks, and gets confidence from Ino, but they both break their friendship for the star boy of the school. The class clown (Naruto) who is from her viewpoint always lazy, arrogant, or plain irritating with his antics keeps bothering her for dates even though she didn't like him and made it clear to him, her not knowing about his life is not of importance, or is Naruto the only orphan in konoha or what?. And had to grow up as a ninja and a person to keep up with her team.

Danzo: had always wanted to protect his village, no matter what or how, and if few lives were ruined in the process, even his own, then so be it. He is literally the Naruto version of Lelouch from Code Geass! He is prepared to use and sacrifice anything to protect and attain his goals! And yet most of his actions in the fandom lose their 'well-intentioned extremist' mentality and he simply becomes plain evil.

*looks at the audience with a deadpan look*

12) Hypocrisy of Naruto the series:

The series started as this: an orphan who is burdened with a 'curse' and is disliked by those around him, and his adventures to become a great person and gain respect and love he deserves.

And it finished as this: he is the son of the leader of said village, is related to all other leader, by blood or realationships, and is the last descendant of a near extinct clan AND he is the reincarnation of a japanese deity and is destined to unify the world.

The whole fight scenes of the series also started mostly as being a mix of Code Geass and Death Note aka: using skills, knowledge, intelligence and tactics to beat your more superior and stronger opponent.

And ended up as a fight scene from Dragon Ball aka: bombard your enemy with a big-ass explosive technique bigger and higher than theirs and you win.

It becomes as disappointing as it can be.*shakes her head in disappointment*

I'm pretty sure you don't have Naruto to be the yondaime's son! Yeah, the Uzumaki heritage is good, but why isn't it very used except to make Naruto get a harem? You can make him the yondaime's bastard son and no one will care! After all, this is a very good reason for why no one accepted him even though he is the yondaime's mini-clone.

13) Writing Canon or Fanon?

Fanfic writers, make some creativity with your plots! Change the damn plot that almost all of you have the same theme in using!*screams in annoyance*

The Wave Arc as an example, I can tell you how it is going to happen in most fics; like this:

for OP!Naruto before the mission starts:

Team 7/Naruto goes to Wave, Naruto kicks the demon brothers' ass, bash Sasuke (mostly, sometimes Sakura and/or Kakashi as well, sometimes no bashing at all), fights Zabuza, more bashing follows, he goes to Tazuna's house, meets broody Inari, loses control and screams about how bad his life is to Inari, goes to the woods/forest/trees, meets Haku, wether genderbent or not is an option, if female, then he makes her blush and fall in love, returns and sees 'useless' Sasuke (& Sakura) train the tree climbing, makes deal with Zabuza in their next fight after Haku kicks Sasuke's (Sakura is optional) ass, Zabuza agrees after he/Naruto obilerate Gato's 'army'. Haku returns with Naruto to konoha, becomes (one of) his lover(s).

For OP!Naruto while at the second fight against Zabuza:

Naruto becomes OP wether by the Kyuubi, some secret bloodline, or whatever, mostly after 'bashed' Sasuke pulls a betreyal act and has Naruto take his place and get turned into some kind of pin-cushion, and then Naruto awakens his new power, kicks ass, (wether Sakura gets a realisation that Sasuke is unworthy of her is up to the writer), Zabuza (near-dead or not) asks Naruto to take care of Fem!Haku, he agrees, then they return to konoha.

Seriously, you know that you can change something, right? You can, I don't know, kill Inari or Tazuna, have Tsunami enslaved, raped or killed or whatever while Naruto is taking his 'nap' at the house. I mean, do they even have to fight the canon characters? Is Gato even needed? *tells her opinions while rolling her eyes* Make your OCs and plots, damn it!

Also, if Naruto is at jonin-level even before academy, then Kakashi _wil change his damn strategy against Zabuza_! And seriously, he is an ANBU right? Why wouldn't he just ask Haku if he can check Zabuza's heart and then pierce the head 'corpse' with a Chidori when Haku confidently allows him to? He is a war veteran, not a rookie!

The same is in the chunin exams. writers, you know that you don't have to make the matches exactly the same, we already know your Naruto(ko)'s powers, along with the original cast, and seriously stop making the hyuga fight scene! Everyone knows how it's going to happen most of the time: Hinata loses but is still alive, Naruto makes some kind of confession afterward, Naruto kicks Neji's ass in the exams and females look at and get aroused by Naruto's muscular body, with Hinata peeking under his underwears, most of time.

Akatsuki? Are these guys even needed? *sounds confused* You can make your own evil organisation, you know.

14) Henge, real or not?

Let's make things clear here people, the henge is real for EVERYONE! They can turn into inanimate objects, animals, heck even energy! It's the canon!

It's been used in some of the Inuzuka clan's jutsus, by the students, Gamabunta used it to gain 'claws' to help defeat Shukaku, even Sasuke turned into a rasenshuriken, an energy!

If you want to make Naruto's henge THAT special and unique, then USE THE 'UNIQUE' JUTSU, DAMN IT!

Most of you make a big deal over how special it is but you barely use it in anything other than having others being 'amazed' with how 'powerful' it is, or you use it to have Naruto(ko) have lesbian/futa sex with their harem!

A mob chasing our protagonist or interested in 'punishing (raping)' him/her? A 'real' henge later and the mob is massacred by a bigass animal/human/whatever form the henge took, or they don't find Naruto at all because he transformed into a butterfly and escaped.

Orochi is going to hex Sasuke? Naruto 'henge's into a bigass bird, catches his teammates, and flies away!

I have a theory why Kishimoto didn't use the henge for every battle, and it's simple:

The anime/manga is NOT about kaiju battles! If the henge was used every damn battle, then almost all other jutsus are useless!

A coming fireball? A henge later and a mole is quickly hiding underground! Surrounded from every place? a Henge and you fly in the sky! Your enemy keeps healing too fast to be defeated? Just have him forced into a henge as a flame and throw water until the flame gets snuffed!

Yeah, no wonder that most fandom want only Naruto or the Jinchurikis/uzumakis in general to have 'real' henge while everyone else's is an illusion. *thinks deeply* Because if Naruto's henge isn't special, then the entire fandom would probably ignore all the OP abilities that exist and simply make Naruto henge into the most badass and scary form possible and he wins! which is actually boring to write.

For anyone who is interested in making the henge real for everyone in the show, I have some ideas!

_the henge takes a chakra amount proportional to the form the caster takes, meaning; if the form of the henge is much bigger/smaller than the caster's original body then the henge takes more chakra if the form is bigger but it is denser and more concentrated when the form is smaller.

_the damage dealt to the form of the henge appears on the original body, i.e. someone transforms into a dog and loses his 'paw', the henge dispels and his hand is missing.

_use the whole 'the mind is the plaything of the body' concept, if someone stays too long in a human form, nothing happens, but in an animalistic body or by adding extra appendages and the like, the user starts to lose their humanity and starts becoming more animalistic and savage or/and starts becoming more comfortable in their new form. In an inanimate form, the person starts to lose his memories and desires and emotions, forgetting in the end even their ability to talk, understand others and desire to live, meaning; they become empty shells.

you can of course have something that negates/slows down the process of 'humanity regression', like, split personalities, yamanaka abilities or bijuus.

15) OPness does NOT equal instant personality change:

Seriously? Naruto somehow meets a deity/devil/crossover character or/and gains OP abilities then he somehow starts hating orange (or simply hates/stops wearing it)? and he _almost instantly_ starts acting from ' I LUV U SAKURA!' into 'STOP ABUSING ME YOU BITCH! HINATA-HIME IS MY GODDES AND MY TRUE SOULMATE!'?

At least make a few days period where he is in denial about the changes and his feelings about/toward them, and making sure that he thinks seriously about it so that he didn't mess up.

16) Hizuren & Itachi:

Stop changing Hizuren from 'I am sorry, I can do nothing *sobbing Hizuren*' when Naruto is being tortured and defenseless into 'I am the hokage and my word is law *Hizuren says with authority while punching a civilian's head from his body*' when Naruto gets OP powers! Seriously, make him either 'strong' from the start or don't have him become 'strong' until his death!

And stop having Itachi kill everyone without any care then turn him into a good guy!

17) Instant OPness is not HARD WORK!:

Naruto becoming OP is not a result of hard work! He was just (seriously) lucky that the person/creature/object that gave him the OP powers came to him first! It could have come to Orochimaru/Sasuke for all someone knows! So don't have Naruto somehow gain 100000000000000 bloodlines thanks to a gift that a goddess of another dimension wanted to give to Naruto's ancentor but was lost in the space-time continium so Naruto was the one to gain her gift, and then have Naruto say "It's just hard work"!*screams*

And while we are talking about multiple bloodlines, please don't give naruto how many OP abilities only to have him use the most OP one alone!

18) No Instant Love:

Stop making Naruto love Hinata or any female really or vice versa, right off the bat!

Love doesn't work that way! Seriously, a girl gives him a flower/pays for his icecream/does whatever and they are a couple 10 seconds later!? *baffled* NO!

And also, just because Hinata 'cared for and/or loved' Naruto from the start, doesn't mean he is going to marry her! You don't marry a woman you don't love just because she 'loves' you right? Then why should Naruto?

19) Genderbending:

No problem with this one, but it's disappointing to simply genderbend a character just for a pairing (fem!Haku? anyone?), and it's a little stupid that fem!Sasuke gets loved and pampered by Naruto while male Sasuke gets bashed.

20) No Instant Friendship:

Writers, stop turning Naruto(ko) and Kurama into BFF right off the bat!

I mean seriously, it's KURAMA! The entity who lived for _centuries_ with the ability to feel negative (and possibly positive) emotions! Kurama wouldn't care that his host is becoming the village's sex toy or punching bag or whatever! He had probably felt _centuries'_ worth of feelings of being betrayed, raped, enslaved, tortured from all the humans he met or were too close for him to NOT feel their feelings! And you want to tell me that a single brat who, wether their life is actually gruesome or not, is going to turn him from a monster who hates the humans into a big softie?

Also, putting a pair of tits won't make 'her' care for the jailor as if they were her baby/lover! *rolls her eyes* She'd rather trick them into coming to her then quickly kill them and becomes free! Kurama lived for centuries! The life of a single child means nothing for an entity like him.

21) Is the normal clone necessary or not? Make your decision clear!:

Naruto failed because of the normal clone, okay, we accept that. *holding her anger* But why are you still making Lee pass without any ninjutsu or genjutsu?! *frustrated* Either make Naruto pass without the damn clone or have Lee fail!

Or, add another requirement, like descipline, respect, theory aspect of being ninja and attention in class, because those will easily explain _why_ Naruto actually failed!

*gets enlightement*

Or you better not, since in that case only Sasuke/Hinata/Neji/Shino seem to have the necessary requirements to graduate that way, apparently.

22) Stop mixing your character's canon personality with OOCness without any care for results!

Don't make Hinata so shy as in the canon AND have her as a pervert who enjoys peeping at Naruto's dick! It's contradictory! A girl that shy won't be able to even think of peeping at her crush like that! And inversely, a girl THAT perverted won't be such a stuttering mess, but she will start chasing Naruto to have his kids, you morons!

And Naruto won't let the mob beat him! He is too stubborn to listen to them and their excuses, it's even clear in canon! He refused Sakura's confession to stop chasing Sasuke because he's too stubborn to give up! If you want his 'never give up!' schtick to be with him from birth then he WON'T give the mobs satisfaction by whimpering in fear! He'll freaking beat the hell out of them!

Don't make any character act like her canon self and then add some OOCness out of thin air, and/or mix the two together, period!

23) Is Naruto a ninja or civilian?

Fanfic writers, if Naruto is a ninja as you say then why the hell is he being beaten black and blue by the mobs?! He can outsmart the ANBU, no problem, but is too dense to realize why he is hated even though he is a 'genius'? And not fast enough to escape said mob? If anything, he is supposed to be able to beat everyone of the mob (except ninja from chunin and above, at the very least) with little to no difficulty after he was, like, 3 years old, and evade them as well! *annoyed at the apparent stupidity*

24) Crossovers

No, just no; Just because there's a blond boy with blue eyes and is named Naruto in the Gundam/Bleach/whatever universe, it doesn't make it a Naruto crossover!

And also, check the power level differences between the two worlds for the love of god!

* * *

**II) Ideas:**

These are just ideas on how to make things more interesting, because I haven't seen many people taking them, but maybe I just didn't look hard enough, take a look:

_take a realistic outcome about abuse and double standards or anyone's actions really, I guess that if written well could make the story more interesting, having characters deal with their problems and traumas and the results of their actions, good or bad, and growing up in general.

_use underdeveloped plots and give them a meaning, as an example: the Uzumakis, we don't really know a lot about them other than some of their talents and abilities. Develop their personality, give them something, make them insane, calm, carefree or even a bunch of self-centered depraved sadists who care only about themselves and each other to the point of death, while everyone else is manipulated or enslaved by them! (Naruto must be included as well, after all if his clan is psychotic yet he is as nice as hell then that defeats the whole clan setting), something!

_try to not give your OC an impossible charisma and power at the same time, that's an automatic Mary Sue/Gary Stu, give them a glaring flaw/problem if you want, I don't care if it is mental/physical but they need to have something that others might/would not like in them (not just the 'bad guys', but everyone except probably their family and best friends).

_If you dislike a character, there are better ways to use her more than mindless bashing to show that you protagonist has the biggest dick or breast size in the story, bash them in a good way, and have them grow and fight to correct their flaws to be a better character...either that or just kill them and don't bring them in the story at all!*laughs loudly*

_develop the underdeveloped relationships between characters, as an example Naruto and Iruka, how they started being close to each other, have Iruka actually get a role in Naruto's development, like actually hepling him in his studies, in the chunin exams or punishing him for his pranks or being lazy or bratty, show that the characters care about each other that they will hurt their friends/ loved ones to help them grow if necessary!

_use the different character interpretations for your advantage! As an example, and a funny one, have Naruto, as a 6 years old, gain a weird relationship with another female of his age! have them 'punish' each other, by a spanking as an example, helping each other correct their attitudes and flaws that way and making them grow and care more about each other! They are children, and if both were orphans and no one was there to supervise them then they won't know that it's 'wrong' but think that it's a game or something, especially with their age and how Naruto is supposedly highly eccentric. Take the character's age and viewpoint to make a good plot!

_have Naruto end up with some serious consequences for his choices! I mean, yeah this is fanfiction but honestly, he should have some of his habits beaten from him! His barsh and bold attitude for one, you can't simply go without any plan, and if you do that in reality, then people won't want to work with you! They won't be like 'that knucklehead!' and keep befriending you! Especially since that attitude could kill you and your allies! And without plot armor...

* * *

Illusion looks at the audience.

A serene smile on her face.

"Well, this is the end of _our_ rant, for now at least. I hope that you enjoyed the topics and ideas that _we_ discussed to you and I hope that you will keep enjoying this story. See you in another chapter! Don't be strangers!"

**X**

**X**

**The End.**


	4. Chapter 4: Broken & Accepted

"Welcome everyone! Your attractive avatar for this story, Illusion-chan is smiling at seeing you again!" Illusion greets her audience with a smile.

"It's been a week or so since we 'met' and you listened to my opinion in my rant about the Naruverse cliches, and about it, I am happy to tell you that _we_ modified it a bit and found a few other cliches to, well, put down to earth, so please go and see it again!"

"As you can see, there isn't a 'summary' and 'warning' above, because I am the one who is going to explain this chapter." she states.

"Well, the theme of this chapter is divided in two parts, one part taking the whole abused Naruko into it's logical conclusion, and yes it's female Naruto since females seem to gain more sympathy for their suffering, and _we_ are going to use the double standards as much as _we_ need or want!" Illusion's evil smile feels quite evil indeed.

"The second one... well that would be a telling!" she smiles a cheeky smile "It's a shame that I am a horrible person, but imaginary, so you won't be able to spank me! You can't even have me in your stories, because I am _this author_'s avatar, not yours!" her smile became more cheeky.

"Now, fun aside," her smile became more serious "the first part contains violence, rape, twisted conceptions, bashing and possible torture, for those who aren't interested or don't like it, don't read, and don't complain about it. You've been warned!" she says seriously.

* * *

**Lost Innocence And Forgotten Mercy**

STAB!

"AAAHHHH!" the scream of a 10 years old little girl, one Uzumaki Naruko was heard in the alley she was cornered in, disturbing the calm night.

The girl didn't know why these men were going her way, but she felt fear and tried to run from them to her home, but it was useless as they caught her.

One of them closed her mouth with his hand so no one could hear her screams and then they dragged her to this dark scary place, in which they threw her at the ground and then another one stabbed her in the leg with a knife.

"P-Please! Stop! W-Why a-are you doing this to me!?" she cried in pain, tears flowing from her face.

"Because you're a demon, that's why!" a man exclaimed and slapped her face.

"Since you won't shut up nicely, we'll help you then." the man smirked evilly and gagged the fear stricken girl with a cloth.

"MMMM!" she tried to speak, her fear clear to her captors, but it was futile.

"He he, don't worry, you'll like what's going to happen next!" one of the man smiled a lecherous smile that made the gagged girl feel even more panic.

She kept sobbing, trying to scream, tears never stopping.

"What are you doing?!" a female voice exclaimed suddenly, bringing the attention of the gang and the terrified jinchuuriki.

A woman appeared and looked at the men "What's going on here?!" she asked, looking around until she saw Naruko gagged.

Naruko felt hope blossoming in her heart. Maybe, just maybe, they will let her go?

Said hope was shattared when the woman sneered at her and came closer to her... and kicked her uninjured leg, causing Naruko to scream through the gag.

"Well, do what you want boys, I'm going to watch" the sadistic woman said, and the men hadn't needed anymore before they started catching her arms, and ripping off her clothes.

Naruko kept pleading, begging to be left alone, without any success.

"Don't worry little girl, soon you'll feel very good!" the man not catching her arms stated with his sick smile, and started to feel her body, much to the horror and revulsion she felt at his touch.

'Please, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!' she prayed.

It was all for naught however as no rescue came, and her fear heightened when the man who was molesting her took off his pants and underwears, showing his hard member.

"Now you will understand your place, demon whore!" and with that the thrusted inside of her, causing her to nearly blackout from the pain and the loss of her innocence, but he just punched her to wake her up, and just started thrusting without care.

'IT HURTS! IT HURTS! OH KAMI IT HURTS SO MUCH!' Naruko kept crying from the extreme pain she was feeling, she wished she was dead.

Few minutes later, the man came inside of her, feelings of despair starting to break her.

"Damn, such a fine meal! Don't think this is all! You'll be entertaining us a lot!" the man who just violated her caught her left arm roughly and harshly, as the man who was taking her left arm took the first man's place to satisfy himself.

She felt utter loathing for herself, to be degraded like this, as they kept violating her, her mouth no longer capable of speaking from the trauma and pain, feeling nothing more than despair and anguish behind her now blank blue eyes.

"Well, little slut that was a good show, come on guys, see you later! Hahahaha...!" the woman who kept looking at the show felt that this is enough for now, and left along with the others, leaving the violated girl alone in the alley.

Naruko kept looking at the air, an empty blank look on her face, she kept replaying the horrifying experience in her mind, the males' lust and sadism, and that woman who allowed them to do this...

She doesn't want to see them. Not again. She wanted nothing more than having them go away. far away. _Very, very far away_.

**_No matter what, or how._**

She stayed blankly for who knows how long, until a voice broke her from her trance.

"My, my, what do we have here?" a thug-looking man looked at her, enjoying her naked state with his eyes.

Naruko looked at him, her blank eyes staring at him for few seconds, and then her traumatic experience kicked in, putting the images of the men who raped her, and overlapping them with the image of this man.

And her new fear controlled her, and at the few seconds she freezing in place, her mind was subconsciously deciding on wether to choose the flight or fight action to deal with this threat, and taking the new trauma in account, since the flight didn't help, then fight it is.

Those seconds were enough for the man to quickly come in front of her, and then her 'choice' was made.

"No, nonononononoNONONONONONONO!" she screamed in utter fear and insanity and directly attacked the man with as much force in her punch as she can into where those weird painful things the men put inside of her were supposed to be as far as she knew. The would-be-rapist was too close to evade, and felt the pain of the punch in his most sensitive part of his body, and near-instantly, foam started appearing from his mouth, and he fell to the ground, unconscious.

"NO MORE! NO MORE!" Naruko though didn't care about his state and just kept punching there without any mercy, finally stopping after few minutes, the man already dead from the pain.

"N.. no-*hic!*no more... *hic!*" she started sobbing, and crying loudly, finally breaking the closed dam and vented her despair through her sobs and cries, and luckily no one else heard her.

Crying her aching heart out felt so good, yet so... empty.

She went out, flinching, and nearly breaking down at every little noise she could hear, and managed to return to her 'home'. She tried sleeping and managed to do so, after few failed attempts filled with fear. And she took her mind into the dreamland.

Unknown for her that her heart was already blackened, and that said blackness will consume her soon. And it will be by her choice.

**(Naruko's Dream)**

Naruko was confused at where she was, the whole place was black, and she couldn't see anything in here, and it kept scaring her, reminding her of tonight's ugly experience.

'Where am I? WHERE AM I!?' she kept thinking.

She wandered at every direction, yet it was always the same, nothing but darkness.

"Hehehe...!" a laugh was suddenly heard in this darkness, and Naruko flinched. That laugh, it sounded... male. That thought scared her.

"Wh-Who is here?!" she exclaimed/asked in panic.

She waited for few minutes, but the source of the voice showed itself, a male looking just like her, blond hair, blue eyes, he was as short as her.

But the scary difference aside than gender, is no doubt the never-ending bloody tears flowing from his face along with his empty eyes which combined with his seemingly gentle smile, disturbed her.

"W-who are you?" she managed to calm down since he wasn't looking at her like... 'that', and he wasn't coming closer.

"I am -I can only say- you." he stated softly.

"W-what!?" the scared girl exclaimed. She was unable to understand!

"I am you, Naruko-chan, or more precisely, I am what you hate." he stated.

"What... I hate?" was the confused question the girl asked.

A strained smile appeared on the boy's lips "Yeah, what you hate, because you now hate men I am now a boy."

"I- I am sorry?" she asked more than stated.

"Don't worry, I can deal with it." he shrugged her worries.

"..."

"Uuhhh, why are you silent?"

"A-Ah! N-Nothing at all! But, why am I here?" it had to be important, she thought.

"Well, it's not actually something really important, but it's something that I need your help with." he stated a little worried, something she somehow felt.

"What it is?" she asked with a little fear, prepared to run.

"Do you dislike it? the village?"

The question took her aback.

"Can you say that you will keep loving it? caring for it? After all what they did?" he kept asking the girl who was going through her memory, the pain of being ignored, glared at, and hated, the feeling of hopelessness in the times they attacked her, even though her jiji kept telling her that they are hating her blindly and that they will care about her at some point, and then tonight's nightmarish experience.

"N-No..." she hung her head in shame, as if feeling unable to care about the village, no matter what they did, was a sin.

"I can help you."

"Eh?"

"If you allow me, I'll help you to become capable of protecting yourself, or do you want a repeat of tonight's nightmare?" he was honest and straight to the point.

She paled at the mere idea of a repeat, and quickly shook her head.

"I see, then all what you have to do is accepting my hand." he extended his arm to her. "But beware, by accepting me, you and I will become together, and you _will_ know hate, you will not be able to forgive them, you will want to make them suffer, and you will _never_ see the village the same way from before, is this still fine by you?" he warned both firm and gentle.

Naruko hesitated, but in the end she accepted his hand, and he then started dissolving and being absorbed by her.

A second later, a feeling of pain enveloped her as all her dark feelings of hatred and anger were fully accepted by her, no longer ignored by her optimism, the village steadily changing from her ideal version to the horrible place it had became for her.

**(reality)**

Naruko woke with a gasp, it was nearly seven and half at morning, a little later and it's time for school.

She got up from the bed, sleepy and having more desire to keep sleeping for longer, but she managed to fight her drowsiness and fully woke up, going then to find something to eat.

She found nothing, and her stomach protested.

Naruko grimaced, this wasn't the first time she was hungry like that, what with others not allowing her to enter their shops and/or overcharging her, but she didn't want to be hungry, especially after... after...

Her eyes started darkening at the reminder of last night.

She thought about what she would do then, and in the end she decided, she is going to steal.

Her jiji might have told her that stealing is bad but, isn't that what those ninja do in their work? So it can't be that bad, right? Also, it's not as if they are going to give her food, so she might as well take it herself.

And no more forgiveness, not anymore. All the bad people should _go away_.

Maybe, that thing, _death,_ it's death right? Maybe them being dead will stop them?

A child's naivety is a very innocent and dangerous thing, because they make their own conclusions regardless of how illogical and impossible they are. Said conclusion could easily become a fact to the child, a fact that they see their world with.

Naruko, fell into said concept, and accepted that death is how to stop them from hurting her, physically at least.

Her decision made, she was about to get out of her apartment, before remembering what happened. And fear consumed her, what if they did it again? She might not be able to stop them!

She kept panicking for few moments before she remembered that weird thing she learned at the academy, that henge thing, it was? Yeah, maybe if she used it and they didn't recognize her then they won't do anything to her?

A childish giddiness appeared on her face from the idea, and quickly returned inside, in front of the mirror. She then focused her chakra and henged into an 'ideal' form, which was the form of a brown-haired plain girl in her teens.

Feeling satisfied by that, she went outside to get some food.

**(few minutes later)**

Naruko was not happy, not one bit.

They gave her food, without overcharging her, and that made her even more angry!

The fact that a simple trick of changing appearances without them knowing who she was made them change their attitudes from hateful glares to sweet smiles was maddening!

She had made her mind about it. She WILL find why they hate her, no matter what or how!

**(After school time, at night)**

An old lady, appearing at her 50s, entered into the apartment of our blond protagonist, and smoke suddenly covered her frame, showing one Uzumaki Naruko, eyes filled with hate, rage and despair.

She had clearly understood why they hate her now.

Because the Kyuubi is sealed inside of her...

"Why me...?" she fell on the floor, sobbing "Why me, yondaime? WHY!?"

By none other than her favourite idol.

She didn't know that someone could hate someone else like that.

She now started to hate her idol for what he did to her, what he took from her.

Her childhood, safety, happiness and her innocence.

How she hated him now!

"I... I have to go away, from here." she thought loud "But how?!"

Racking her brain for an answer, she took a while to find an idea, but she did find it!

"The henge, if I henge and escape, then no one will find me! But, I, I need a distraction. What, what kind of distraction is needed?" she asked herself.

Then her eyes widened at the answer.

"Me! More of me! If I could make more of me, then I can escape while the population chase the other me..."

The idea was clear for her, now only acting is the real problem.

She has to go and trick her jiji to help her. There's no other choice.

* * *

"Well, never thought _we_ could be this horrible, sorry if that was disturbing." Illusion states while grimacing. She hopes she won't have any other part involving child abuse in such a way.

"Anyway, we'll be stopping the 'abuse' and go to the second part of this chapter, and it's about... you know what? I don't care anymore, just read the next two parts and get your own summaries. If it's any consolation, it won't be about Naruto being abused like the first part." she stated tiredly.

* * *

**The Attention You Desire**

"UZUMAKI NARUTO!" the voice of the angry teacher resounded in the classroom, making some of the students wince and flinch in fear.

Okino Yui, the woman who had in the past believed herself to be a Mary Sue was quite annoyed with the 10 year old boy's attitude, her face made sure to show that to the world.

"Geez, sensei! It was just a prank!" the troublemaker of the class said, making her even more angry, if the growing tick mark on her face is any indication. The other students were wincing even more because of the idiotic loudmouth's aggravating tone.

"DEFILING THE TEACHERS OFFICE WITH ORANGE PAINT IS NOT A GODDAMN PRANK! YOU LITTLE BRAT! AND ALSO, YOU MISSED THE CLASS! AGAIN!" she kept screaming at him.

How she was fed up with his attitude!

At first, when she was reborn a _third time_ in the Naruverse by that _Illusion_ entity, she was reborn 10 years before the Kyuubi attack, without any feelings for the Naruverse. That damned avatar reincarnated her with all the knowledge about the show, and with her memories at what happened at her first transmigration/rebirth, but with none of her feelings in the equation. Needless to say, her arrogance was curbed from her. And she worked her ass and became a respectable chunin, as far as chunin are. And the hokage had her become a teacher because she is quite childish when not in a serious situation and she could interact with children very well.

And the few first times she met the Uzumaki brat, she felt that they would have a good friendship as a student and teacher, that feeling stood strong until she started getting annoyed with his antics.

As opposed to what some of you readers think, Naruto wasn't being chased by mobs, or being sabotaged in his studies or was kicked from every shop or overcharged just for the hell of it, or the likes. Not in the way you think anyway.

Oh sure, people didn't like him but not everyone was a jerk to him, not at the start at least.

The mobs chasing him? A result of him wanting attention by 'pranking' others, something that could only be described as nothing less than property damaging and vandalism, and all they actually wanted was to catch him to verbally lash at him for his annoying attitude and to have him pay for the damages caused.

Stores kicking him out or overcharging him? Why would anyone allow a brat who keeps that 'Holier Than Thou' attitude and doesn't care for the other's belongings, to have a fair treatment?

Him being sabotaged? Why would a teacher keep trying to reach a student who skips classes for pranks, doesn't even try to get their homework done, or keeps distrupting the class and sleeping when present, and never trains to improve himself?

Okino Yui even understands why other children dislike him, and it's simple really.

Naruto is the hokage's favourite, that's why. Why would they like him when he is spoiled that much and never gets actually punished for his acts, when other children would have been already cleaning streets for _months_ just because of one little prank? He only has to just clean the paint, and they would probably be kicked out of the academy and yet he _complains_ about how unfair his punishment is.

He should have been kicked out from the academy from the start, that was nothing more than a fact. It was only because the hokage decides such a thing that he is even still here.

His antics were the ones who made the other people, who simply distrusted him or were just suspicious of him, dislike him.

Yui glared a hole at the runt's head while breathing to calm herself, and he just looked sheepishly at her.

"Uzumaki Naruto. Detention! Today! Try to run and I'll make it worse!" she didn't think that just locking him after the classes is going to be useful. But that's not a problem for her, as she had already made her mind on how to deal with him. The hokage might make a big deal out of it, but there are some benefits of being a teacher in a school of hired assasins. And as long as she didn't overdo it she won't have much trouble.

**(at detention)**

"Please sensei, this is boring!" Naruto pleaded his teacher while at the classroom, a teacher who looked at him with steely eyes.

"So you want to do something other than being here for the rest of the day?" she asked him.

"Um, yeah!" he answered.

"And something other than cleaning the paint that you used for your _prank_?"

"Uhuh!"

Yui kept looking at him blankly for a minute, making him squirm in his seat.

"Very well." came her unexpected reply.

"Eh?!" was Naruto's intelligent response.

He was unable to understand a thing as he quickly found his teacher in front of him a second later.

Yui, quite irritated but not showing it, swiftly took the brat and lifted him in the air, her glare fixed with a very small killing intent to only scare him a little, freezing him in place.

She sat on a chair, still holding him with her hand.

"You want something? Well, here it is." and with that, she expertly and, too quickly for Naruto to comprehend or react, put him on her lap while catching both his hands and putting them on his back.

"W-what are you doing, sensei!?" was the panicked boy's question, moving his legs wildly and trying to wiggle from her grasp.

"Something I wish I didn't have to." the sotic teacher said in honesty.

"AND STOP WIGGLING YOUR LEGS!"

SLAP!

The sound of the slap resounded in the empty room, and Naruto stopped his movement due to the unexpectedness of what just happened.

"Good riddance." she said, and...

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

She gave more slaps on his posterior.

"OW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Naruto exclaimed with outrage.

"I thought it's obvious. I'm punishing you for your attitude, and this is just the beginning." she talked to the child.

She put her free hand on his pants.

"Now, answer the question: What is the biggest contribution that the Shodaime did for the village and used the Mokuton to make happen?"

"Who cares about that?! Hey, stop!"

Naruto protested as his pants were taken off by his teacher, who gained a tick mark on her face.

"I said: What is the biggest contribution that the Shodaime did for the village and used the Mokuton to make happen?"

Naruto wrecked his brain but didn't come with anything.

"I- I don't know!"

"Exactly." and Naruto's underwear was taken off.

"S- Stop!" Naruto was panicking.

Yui looked at the problematic child and met his little scared face with her strict eyes.

"You know what, little boy? Since you want to act like a brat, then I will simply treat you and deal with you like one."

With that, she raised her hand.

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

Naruto kept flailing his legs uselessly in the face of continued slaps, pleading her to stop.

"Stop moving." she ordered in her authoritive voice, and he slowly and reluctantly obeyed.

"Good, now answer me, why am I spanking you?" she asked him.

"Umm, Because I painted the office in orange?" he asked hesitantly.

She smiled a little, at least he isn't THAT difficult to deal with. "And can you tell me, why did you do that?" she asked him gently while using her hand to ruffle his hair, making sure to calm him down.

"... Because everyone is mean to me." he stated with sadness.

Yui sighed, this is going to be the hard part; fixing his viewpoint.

"Naruto-chan," she started, catching his attention "it might not look like that but the teachers don't really dislike you." she stated in a honest and gentle tone.

"But you all are mean to me..." he defended.

"Because you don't act respectful." she stated in a more strict voice, following with a few more slaps.

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

"OW!"

She put her hand gently but firmly on Naruto's now pink behind.

"If you don't give people respect, why would they give you any?" she kept talking to him in that tone.

"I know that."

"Yes, you might know it in your head, but not in your heart."

"Then, what should I do?" Naruto asked in a low voice, feeling down.

Yui sighed and looked again at his crestfallen expression, feeling both resolved and saddened. No honest teacher wants to punish his student like this, no matter how bratty and annoying they are. She raised her hand again.

"Try to change your attitude, for starter, maybe?"

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

"OUCH!"

She did not care about his cries, she won't care, not now.

"By trying to actually work to improve your skills?"

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

"It stings!"

"By stopping or toning down your ridiculous pranks?"

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

"B- But they're being mean!" he argued.

Her look made it clear what she thought about that argument.

"Them being mean -SLAP!- doesn't give you -SLAP!- the right-SLAP!- to destroy their proprieties, -SLAP!- you brat!"

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

"Ow! S- sorry, I'll try to behave!"

"I don't want you to try, I want you _to behave_!"

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

"O-Okay! I'll behave!"

She stopped her hand, on Naruto's quite red rear, making him tense from fear of pain.

"Listen to me Naruto-chan." she talked to him, serenely, as if she wasn't giving his first spanking. "Do you really want to be a ninja? I don't mean a hokage, but, do you even _actually want_ to graduate?"

Naruto was taken aback with the blunt question along with the implied insult, but a squeeze on his rear stopped him from answering rashly.

"Yes..." came his weak reply.

She looked at him sympathically, she understood his desire, after all she _did_ at some point think that she was some kind of a Mary Sue, she knew better now though.

"I understand you, Naruto-chan, trust me, I really do." she said to him gently. "But if you want to be a ninja, you must have discipline and respect for others in your job. I know that not everyone will accept you as you are, and I know that it is difficult to be accepted, really, and it's fine even if they didn't as long as some _do care_ about and for you."

"Really...? But you're pretty! Why?" Naruto asked, a little baffled that his teacher wasn't liked by everyone.

"Not anyone likes everyone, and not everyone is liked from the start, being pretty doesn't necessarily mean being loved, this is life, Naruto-chan." she shrugged his compliment.

"It's not fair."

"I know, but that doesn't mean you should antagonize anyone who doesn't like you, little boy, think about it this way; will YOU like it if someone destroyed your objects and propriety, or would you dislike them?" she asked.

"Well... I'll... dislike them..." came the reluctant answer.

"And that's where you are correct, now, why would they like you if you keep destroying their belongings?"

"... Fine... I'll try to not destroy anything." came the tired answer.

"I know you will, but sadly you still need be punished more." her voice, gentle yet firm, made him a little afraid.

"W-WHY? I PROMISED!" he screamed.

"Don't shout at me." a squeeze on his rear shut him up.

"Now, since you want to know why, it's simple really, you're being too spoiled for the teachers' liking. And before you argue," she shut his unsaid argument quickly "do you know that girl that was kicked from the academy last month? You don't know why she was kicked out, do you? I'll tell you, it's because she tried to imitate _you_ by pranking the hokage tower, and she swiftly expelled for her act. Such a shame, she was a very good kunoichi." she looked at the shocked face of her student.

"But, I..."

"Weren't expelled, weren't put on a probation, and were simply liberated from anything that could hurt your chances at being a ninja. Do you understand now? Had the hokage not liked you, you would have been expelled from the first month. And also, this is your second year wasn't it? Did anyone tell you that since you didn't show a promise in even two areas, you were supposed to be dropped from the ninja bussines? " she stated to him, slowly making it clear that it's just his fault as much as it was the hokage's.

Of course, the clan heirs are also just as spoiled, only not that publicly, as an example, from what she saw, Hinata, who in Yui's second life totally curbstomped, humiliated and spanked her, is in this life just as shy and unproactive as in that Canon. Quite disappointing, she actually liked her more when she kickked ass. Shame.

She looked at Naruto's sad and trembling figure.

'I'm not spoiled? Am I?' he thought, his mind going and looking back at his actions from the start of his enrolling.

His teachers told him over and over that he should train, that he must be good at the basics for everything, or at least have a good understanding for them.

He knew that he still can't make a genjutsu or recognize one to save his life, and he also knew that his aim wasn't really that great.

His teachers, wether subtle or not, made it clear to him that his taijutsu sucks.

His ninjutsu was, honestly, disappointing, as the only 'good' henge he uses is the oiroke jutsu, he isn't that good at the kawarimi, and the clone, well, no luck at all.

He rarely did his homework, and even then he was pretty sure he is wrong on many things, his sleeping in the class, and his attitude simply made others not give a damn about him and his growth.

"We, the teachers, also made it clear that you can take extra classes to fix your problems, it was a class for the clanless kids who didn't have anyone to train them but you always keep skipping them, is it any wonder that you are the deadlast?" she threw the third bomb.

Naruto was slightly sobbing, she was right, he was spoiled, and he wouldn't have even stayed at school if not for the favouritism.

She gently ruffled his hair "Now, now, don't cry, everyone makes mistakes, they're just not as lucky to get so much chances to fix them." she smiled at him "You have a huge potential, naruto-chan, you really do, but," she then became more firm "you HAVE to make effort to realize it!"

SLAP!

SLAP!

"Those who slack will be left with no way to return to the top!"

SLAP!

SLAP!

"No matter how strong you _think_ you are, it's only important when you _have_ to prove it!"

SLAP!

SLAP!

"No one will care about how much a dog can bark."

SLAP!

SLAP!

"They only care about how strong his bite is!"

SLAP!

SLAP!

Yui stopped for a while, giving the sobbing boy a breathing room, gently rubbing his red rear.

"I want to see it, your potential, clear for all to see and be awed of. That's why, I will curb your annoying habits, and if I have to hurt you for that, then so be it. Do you understand?"

A nod was the answer she received.

"I am not being harsh to you, regardless of how it looks, but since I can't expel you, and don't want to anyways, and because other types of descipline do little to stop your antics, I have to deal with your habits in a different way. From now on, every time you skip classes."

SLAP!

SLAP!

"Or don't do your homework."

SLAP!

SLAP!

"or don't train properly and seriously"

SLAP!

SLAP!

"I'll put you in detention and spank you!"

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

"Do I make myself clear?!"

"Y-YES!"

"Every time I find you destroyed property,"

SLAP!

SLAP!

"or you use that oiroke jutsu of yours in public, I'll punish you!"

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

"Ow! I- I understand! Please stop!" Naruto felt regret that his antics caused this problem, and he also felt embarrassed, being vulnerable and exposed.

Yui looked at him, as if judging a prisoner.

"This is your punishment, young lad, and it's me who decides when to stop. And I don't think you're sorry, not sorry enough."

"Please! I'm sorry! Really!"

"I'll make something clear here,"

SLAP!

SLAP!

"Ouch!"

"You're not allowed to talk back and you better not or you'll just make it harder for yourself, I am going to punish you until I am convinced you learned your lesson, do you understand? Just nod."

Naruto nodded hesitantly, and Yui ruffled his hair once more to make him relax.

"Good boy, now the good thing is that your punishment is going to end soon, but it will hurt you more, do you understand?" A nod was what she received.

She put him down, surprising him.

"Now, I want you to stay here, don't try to run, or it'll get worse, I'll return in just a minute, can you do that?"

He hesitated, she said it'll hurt more, but him escaping will make it worse, in the end he nodded, and she smiled.

It took a little less than a minute for her to return, and Naruto was a little scared of the hairbrush she now had in her hand.

"Come here." she ordered in a gentle tone, casually pointing at her lap.

Naruto was hesitating, worry shown on his face. She sighed, he obviously will be scared, might play with his pride then.

"Hmm, so you say that you will be a hokage while you're afraid of a little spanking?" she stated in a mischeivous tone, which had him act like she thought he will.

"Uzumaki Naruto isn't scared of anything!"

"Then prove it."

"Fine!"

And on her lap he was.

Naruto was quite weirded about how easily she tricked him, but he couldn't think of what to say. It didn't help that she kept casually playing with his hair for a few minutes, again, to calm him down.

"Just breathe, it's fine, everything's gonna be okay."

A few minutes later, she started "It's going to be ten swats with the hairbrush, Naruto-chan, you can take it, I know you can, okay? It's fine if you scream or cry if you want."

Another nod.

"Brace yourself!"

CRACK!

"OW!"

CRACK!

"OUCH!"

CRACK!

CRACK!

"It hurts!"

CRACK!

CRACK!

"OW!"

CRACK!

CRACK!

"I'm sorry!"

CRACK!

CRACK!

"Ow!"

Yui put down the hairbrush, gently picking her crying blond troublemaker, and sitting him on her laps, and affectionately rubbing his sore rear.

"S- sorry sensei, I- I'll try to be better, I promise!" said Naruto from his heart, sobbing his tears.

"Sshhh, my little troublemaker, I know you will, sweetheart, I know you will." she told him in a peaceful voice.

The pair kept staying like that for few minutes, not caring about the outside world.

"There's still more than a half an hour before the detention ends sensei, are- are you going to punish me more until the time ends?" Naruto asked with fear and a little hope in his chest.

Yui smiled at him. Maybe she didn't completely destroy his bratty attitude, but it seems that he is going to be more respectful and understanding to the authority, or to her at the very least.

"No need for that, my boy, unless you want to be put on my lap already?" came her mischeivous response, making the boy blush and shake his head.

"Ha ha ha..!" her laugh resounded in the empty classroom "Then I won't spank you anymore, for now at least!"

"Eeehhh!?"

"What? Do you think that someone as bratty as you will completely start behaving like an obedient child with only one punishment?" she asked joyfully.

"Hmph! Meanie!" Naruto's puffing cheeks were a very good answer as well.

Yui laughed a little along with him then put him down from her lap.

"Now Naruto-chan, we still have a little less than a half an hour." she said cheekily.

"But you said that you won't spank me more..." he protested.

"And I won't, but this is something that will happen to you every time after taking a spanking from now on, do you get it?"

"Wh- what is it?"

Her gentle smile calmed him.

"I want you to put your hands above your head and face the wall until the end of the detention, and your rear isn't going to be covered."

"But it's embarrassing!" Naruto blushed from embarrassment.

"I know, but you took your spanking didn't you? And isn't it better with only me with you, or do you want someone else to be here as well?"

"No!"

"Don't be scared, Naruto-chan, you will get used to it at some point."

"As long as no one else sees me? Please?"

"I promise."

"O- okay... and Yui-nee?"

She felt weird because of the nickname.

"Yes?"

Naruto hugged her fiercely.

"Thank you!"

She was surprised, but she quickly regained her bearings.

"For the spanking?" she asked with humor.

"No! I- I mean, for becoming my friend." came the embarrassed answer.

"I understand, and I appreciate your feelings. I think I gave you enough of the attention you desire for today, didn't I?" she patted his head.

Naruto simply kept blushing, and just went to the wall putting his hands above his head.

Yui just opened a book she brought and started reading in the greeting and comforting silence.

"Today was a very good and weird day for you, wasn't it Naruto-chan?"

"It was embarrassing and painful too."

"But you still feel happy about it, right?"

"...Yes... Um, Yui-sensei?"

"What is it?"

"Were you, uh, spanked before?"

"Oh yes I was, but no details! Maybe next time you act way too bratty I'll tell you, with you on my lap?"

"Meanie!"

"Yeah yeah, but you have to agree, today was fun and interesting for you, wasn't it?"

"Hmph!"

Student and teacher just stayed there, happily, in the quiet atmosphere.

* * *

"Yeah, I think you had already know what that part was about." Illusion chirped.

"Honestly, Naruto, a miliary weapon or not shouldn't have gotten scott free from his many pranks and acts of misconduct and antics, but he should have been severely punished if not outright expelled for it. Also, he acted like that because wanted to be scolded and gain attention, so as far as _we_ are concerned, there were MANY ways in where he would have been given what he desires, and what he needs, at the same time, but sadly, many of the other 'realities' have him being either sabotaged and the like just for the hell of it." she stated seriously.

"But anyway, this chapter is over. See you later!"

**X**

**X**

**The End.**


	5. Chapter 5: NaruhinaFemale Deconstructed

One, two, three;

Illusion looks at the screen, and smiles cheerfully.

"Welcome dear readers! It has been quite a while since this story was updated."

"This chapter, is more of a rant, actually, _we_ had this idea stuck and couldn't stop thinking about it so as you see, the title says it all!"

She spins, showing her figure, just because...

"This chapter is going to be a deconstruction, (or maybe bashing is more appropriate?) for not only naruhina, but also Naruto's and Hinata's characters, and some concepts that are used by and for female characters (I always wanted to write that, and here, no one can try attacking me for that, also, if people can write a whole story that involve torture, rape, and the likes, what is a little female bashing compared to them anyways?) with some oneshots to make some points clear."

Illusion looks a little more serious.

"Let's make things clear from the start, Naruto The Last and the final two chapters of Naruto the manga along with the fillers do NOT count, it will be explained why when discussing naruhina." she stated.

"This chapter is going to deconstruct two loved characters and their pairing in the fandom along with some of the fanon ideas about them and some of the fanon/canon ideas about females; this chapter will have some dark themes and you might as well take it as a bashing for them; you've been warned!"

* * *

**I) Naruto:**

First of all, the protagonist himself!

We all know who Naruto is; the sunshine ball, the world changer, the breaker of the chain of hatred, the destroyer of impossible, etc...

But what some might not know, or want to ignore is that the protagonist himsalf is not flawless, not by a long shot.

1) his forgiveness and ridiculous acceptance of practically _everyone_, regardless of their past actions:

Naruto has some serious problems with this;

*Obito killed his family, causing his father to seal Kurama in him as a baby: 'he is the coolest guy ever!'

*Sasuke shoved chidori in his chest, nearly killing him, and tried to kill him again on multiple occasions: 'You're my best friend forever, Sasuke!'

*his father sealed (half) the kyuubi in him, even though it's clear that he could have sealed the entirety of Kurama inside of himself and would have practically destroyed the akatsuki's plans that way and saved Naruto from unnecessary hatred and neglect: 'you're so cool dad!'

*a fanon idea, Naruto gets tortured, beaten, raped by the villagers and used as nothing more than a punching bag and sex toy: 'best village and citizens ever! I must protect them no mater what!'

*Gaara nearly kills Lee and his teammates: 'you are like me, a lonely person in need for love and friends!'

*Orochimaru practically manipulates Sasuke to leave the village, causes the death of the sandaime and nearly kills many other people that Naruto cares about and Naruto himself: 'he helped us in the war, all is forgiven!'

You see? Naruto is WAY too forgiving, there is a limit to how much someone can forgive and how much hatred they can take and what is really annoying is when he fought his own **hatred!**

Seriously, his hatred didn't appear out of thin air! It's his feeling from his childhood up to then, and what happened after he accepted his hatred?

Did he think that maybe, that Sasuke wasn't reddeemable or that he should try to change at least some of his principles? Nope! he simply became immune to hatred and became even more forgiving!

Seriously, is he a messaiah or what?

That was, in a way, a huge wast of development as far as this author sees it.

2) his abitity to change others:

Naruto always has that ability that makes you change for the better, but there's a question that actually baffled us; why does _everyone_ that Naruto changes, like said changes?

It's not rocket science, people! Or are you saying that they must always _want to change? that they must like it?_ that the change is always _positive_?

Why can't Naruto's ability cause people to be sad? to feel self-loathing and self-doubt? why not make them kill themselves instead of being cheerful and being so accepting for the change?

They aren't obligated to love the changes and the options that Naruto gives them.

this isn't a delusion.

this is a fact.

think about it people.

3) insane charisma:

Am I the only one who sees that Naruto's charisma is so high that it can probably surpass mt. everest in altitude and denseness?

Naruto fights Zabuza and Haku, and manages to turn Zabuza, a kickass ninja who can fight Kakashi, who saw death, caused it and went close to it as well into some kind of an emotional wreck and have him (unintentionally) kill Gato just because...

He fights Gaara, an unstable jinchuuriki who had a canonically worse childhood than Naruto, and he manages to change him after one battle from a psychopathic murderer into some kind of a loving leader.

He fought Neji, who was practically enslaved by his own family, and manages to change him just by saying some speech that he has no right to actually say since he doesn't actually understand Neji.

An omake of mine that might or might not be funny to watch, if only to show how idiotic and DANGEROUS it is to have near infinite charisma.

* * *

**Absolute** **Obedience:**

Naruto looked at the mob of civilians that he defeated just now.

"How dare you!? Attacking an innocent child!?" he shouted.

the still awake people were shivering from fear, and those still unconscious were waking up.

"The citizens should help each others, they must care for each other!"

they were attentive, this boy's voice was hypnotic.

Naruto kept making his inspirational speech, and when he finished, they had a whole new meaning for their life.

The corpses of the men were discovered in the next day, with a message written in blood:

{He was right; those who hurt children deserve to die.}

* * *

4) self-righteous attitude and personality:

Because he is the protagonist that's why!

people always keep making a big deal of how he is always correct and is most of the time never wrong, and if they did, then they must hate him. Because how can you hate the protagonist!?

And that's stupid.

Naruto's desire to 'save' Sasuke is indeed right for a shinobi of konoha, but completely inappropriate as a friend.

Also, the stupidly high lengths he goes to for 'helping' Sasuke is seriously worrying, and even more worrying is the fact that practially everyone agrees with him even though Sasuke caused many problems, changed sides way too much, and tried to kill the kages and worse.

But meh, Naruto is ALWAYS right, and should do what he must, more like what he _wants_.

He is never being reprimanded for trying to 'save' his traitorous teammate regardles of circumstances.

He is never punished for his pranks, pranks that involve a lot of propriety damage and vandalism even though he is supposed to be training as a ninja, which means descipline and professionalism. He only gets a slap on the wrist.

He wasn't reprimanded for being disrespectful to the authorities and those of higher standing. I am not saying that he must bow to the whims of anyone, but he should have sometimes shut his mouth and let others who are more responsible and professional do the talk for him.

Think about it this way, a ninja badmouths one of the other leaders, so realistically, he should be punished for nearly causing a war, distrupting the treaties or simply being disrespectful, and yet Naruto is always put as the correct and right one.

Secondly, did you actually see the shinobi rule guide?

Well, it exists and seriously, where did it go!? It would have been a good explanation for why Naruto is actually wrong from a ninja perspective and why he should have met much, much larger resistance, why Hizuren was a failure in a way and why Danzo was actually right even if his methods are extreme.

Also, being a ninja is a job, from that perspective alone, Naruto failed from the first chapter in the manga, as it is the case for many of his friends.

5) Naruto the manifestation of Deus Ex Machina:

This isn't even a joke, it's literally like that most of the time, and most of the time it's because of the kyuubi or some extra help:

In his fight against Haku, he unknowingly used the kyuubi's chakra to go on a rampage and destroy Haku's mirrors and defeat the ice user.

Without it, he would have been killed, heck he would have been killed as well if Haku didn't give Naruto and Sasuke their apparent last discussion and just knocked Naruto with senbons right then and there. Haku would have been able to aid Zabuza, kill Kakashi and the rest. And the Narutoverse would have ended right there.

His fight against Neji was also the same, the moment he was hit with the 64 palms, he had lost technically, but because he is the main character, he must always get a power-up to help him fight. And the kyuubi is gladly helping him.

Let's not forget that Neji simply stood still, either in shock or arrogance. Just how hard it is for the hyuuga prodigy to simply juuken Naruto while he is monologing or trying to use the kyuubi chakra anyways?

the same in his fight against Gaara. Naruto would have been killed had he not managed to summon Gamabunta with the aid of the fox's chakra.

Against Kiba, he farted, and he somehow got enough time to pull a winning strategy, meaning if he didn't fart, he would have lost.

And there are many, many other examples.

* * *

**OMAKE: Naruto loses**

A) against Haku:

"Sasuke!" he screamed as his teammate.

Sadly, that second of carelessness was more than enough for the ice user to knock him unconscious with his senbons.

"Such a sad battle" Haku stated "well, let's help my master now" he went to help Zabuza.

An hour later, all the team 7 members were killed along with Tazuna and Inari, Tsunami was kidnapped by Gato to be used for his prostitue rings.

B) against Neji:

'damn fox give me your chakra!' Naruto kept trying to summon the beast's power.

And suddenly, red chakra started coming from Naruto, healing his injuries and opening his tenketsu.

Neji looked with his byakugan in shock 'this is dangerous!' and directly attacked, his survival instict pushing him, and Naruto being too dumb when it comes to eveding attacks, took it head on.

5 minutes Naruto is in the hospital, a juken to heart nearly killing him.

*isn't it actually weird that a ninja like Neji simply gives Naruto the needed time to heal instead of simply kicking Naruto's ass the moment a real danger from Naruto appeared?*

C) against Gaara:

Naruto went to attack a slightly transformed gaara with a kunai to put in Gaara's ass.

Sadly...

"GUAAHH!" sand shot from Gaara, capturing Naruto.

"Sabaku kyu" the sand quickly surrounded Naruto, nearly choking him as his windpipes were also feeling the pressure.

"Sabaku soso!"

And Naruto is no more.

D) vs Kiba:

Naruto farted, but instead of seeing Kiba knocked out or the like, he got knocked to the ground, Kiba grinning at him.

"Oh please, the Inuzukas are a clan with strong sense of smell, did you think that none of us is used to farts or other foul odors?" he stated mockingly.

Naruto was knocked unconscious afterward with another gatsuuga.

*told you, it's simply protagonist powers protecting Naruto and the rest.*

**End OMAKE**

* * *

Yeah, you can see my point.

6) Canon Naruto: The Hypocrite:

we know that _Naruto_ is a very good show, but at some point the story and characters became nothing more than cliches.

Naruto's own nindo was shredded in shippuden:

Naruto was supposed to be the underdog who fights with his meager abilities and has some success in life, and yet he became the person who was related to all the hokages, and is easily capable of winning no matter what, with no consequences.

His powers and skill became off the scale as well.

It was a waste for character development.

7) Fanon abuse:

Naruto wasn't beaten to an inch of his life, he wasn't sabotaged in school, he wasn't overpriced or kicked out of shops just for the hell of it.

The civilians might attack him sure, but definitely not as a mob or the like.*idiocy of some writer... hahhh* and also why would the hokage or _anyone_ want to abuse him like that!? Seriously, it's like no one has a survival instict at all.*sheer idiocy*

He wasn't sabotaged, it's canon fact that he was lazy!

Honestly, I think that the clone jutsu isn't exactly needed, neither are the kawarimi and henge.

Lee is the best example.

If anything, it should be a different system like this:

half the score is practical and the other half is theory and knowledge.

Naruto was quite lazy in canon when it comes to study, so we can safely assume that that's half the score disappearing in seconds.

He was disrespectful and uncaring toward his teachers and tests, it's very clear when he henged into a naked woman instead of probably henging into Iruka, the hokage or someone else. that's more of his score going down. Respect and descipline is obviously a must in ninja life (shinobi rules guide, anyone?)

the clone was probably there to make sure that the more bratty students have some way to distract the opponent to escape or something.

Naruto must have failed because he didn't have the necessary descipline and skills in other areas that aren't the clone technique!

8) Fanon Naruto The Ultimate Hypocrite:

If the canon Naruto is a hypocrite, then the fanon version is most likely even more so;

He most of the time never feels any consequence of practically of any actions he causes.

He is always right and correct, and if someone didn't agree with his opinion, then they must either hate him, or they don't hate him but he is simply more intelligent.

And let's not forget the bashing that sometimes gets ridiculous, Naruto gets attacked and then trains at the hands of Ajimu Najimi, Zeus and Odin, and everyone _must agree _that he deserves it because he has such a 'crappy past', yet when Sasuke or anyone else (who canonically has a much worse past) asks/demands to be trained, everyone _must agree that they are spoiled_.

Well, those are the only things that I can think of when it comes to Naruto.

Next discussion!

**II) Hinata & Naruhina:**

The (supposed) kunoichi goddes herself! But... she has some serious problems, namely her personality and her fandom.

1) her personality:

A kind, shy girl.

And those two are enough traits to deconstruct and criticize her;

Shy: the problem is that many people define being shy as something cute and nice.

It's not; being shy means that the person is unable to be at ease with themselves around others, and that they have an aversion/nervousness in the presence of others.

Being shy means that you are unable to make friends, and it takes a long time to be even capable of talking with those you have, and even then it's a chore.

Being shy means that you can and will be a doormat, and people, wether knowingly or not, would use your shyness to have you stuck with doing things you don't like or want to do because you don't have courage to voice your opinion. It cripples your social relationships very easily.

And Hinata being shy is 'cute'?

Okay, maybe being shy _to a degree_ is cute, but the problem is that she is way too shy, and there isn't actually a good reason why she is _that_ shy.

It's as if she was born then boom, and she became shy!

It takes years of bullying and insults to become that shy.

Some might argue that she was bullied according to Naruto The Last, but honestly, it just sounds stupid.

The hyuugas were a powerful clan, right? Is it that Hinata is the only hyuuga who appears publicly and no one else from the clan shows their face to the civilians? Realistically, if that was true then Neji should have been bullied too, and every other hyuuga child and teen.

The only 'abuse' she suffered from her family was them not training her, she was not being physically/sexually abused like some fics say to make more sense to her shyness, and she wasn't kicked out of the clan either, otherwise, she would have the hyuuga cursed seal on her.

The problem with her is that she doesn't really have any reason to be shy and stuttering, *not that I mind her being shy, but the exaggeration of her fainting in anime is in a way annoying* but think about it, she is from a great clan, almost everyone cares about her and treats her kindly, even Naruto who had at first felt confused about her gender. Her teammates and sensei were supportive to her, so in all honesty, it just seems that she is shy just for the hell of it.

Some might argue that being in a clan, treatment, wealth has no effect on you; yes they do! Or if Naruto was born in a family, was respected, not shunned, would he be able to 'connect' with other's pains? He won't! Your surroundings and how you are treated affect you, and while not the same way for every person, Hinata was treated as a princess most of the time in a way, that's why her being so shy and stuttering that much is confusing to me.

And we then have the other problem;

Kind/selfish:

Hinata might not actually be kind like some say, for good reasons;

She watches Naruto in his childhood suffer from loneliness and dislike and doesn't try to help him, she is a clan heiress, no one will actually criticize her if she helped him or became his friend, yet she didn't.

She wanted to give Naruto a copy of her answers in the chunin exams, apparently, she forgot that there are rules that state that her and _Naruto's_ teams would have failed if she was caught.

She had to actually decide on wether to cheer for Naruto or Kiba in the preliminaries, and honestly, it seems that had Kiba not been her teammate, she would have instantly cheered for her crush.

And if being kind means being kind to only Naruto, then yes she definitely is 'kind'.

If we took her shyness and kindness in real life, taking into account her previliged life, then she might be the manipulative type in reality, and it's actually quite disturbing that Hinata can actually be that manipulative and scheming.

Heck, _naruto the last_ showed that she can actually be cruel, as she had RIPPED Toneri's eyes!

2) her fandom:

people sometimes seem to exaggerate her traits to an extreme, that it becomes ridiculous;

They practically turn her into some kind of mary sue who has no flaws or said flaws are treated as positives.

She becomes a goddess who never loses.

Hey, Hinata fans, you sure that you are writing Hyuuga Hinata and not a happy and caring Ajimu Najimi? Because sometimes it feels that she has a lot more than 15 quadrillion different abilities, she and Naruto, just asking!

3) Naruhina:

The couple itself has many holes in where it simply won't work.

Just to make it clear, the fanfics that have them befriend each other at a young age might get excluded from these holes, let's start the deconstruction:

a) Naruto needs Hinata:

people keep ignoring the problem in the fact that if Naruto needed Hinata, then he won't be the confident and optimistic and indomitable person he was, he would be a shy, unconfident crybaby, especially since most writers have her as the embodiment of confidence.

Seriously, think about it this way; a confident, charming and assertive girl has some weird male stalker who stutters everytime she comes close, keeps fainting in her presence, and tell me that she would like him.

Actually, this omake will make it clear just how dumb the idea that he 'needs' her actually is;

* * *

**Wrong Love:**

"H-H-H-Hinata~! I-I-I-I n-n-n-e-e-e-need y-yo-o-you!" Naruto hugged his love, one Hyuga Hinata.

Hinata was very happy, her crush was needing her. But... something, is... very off.

"Uhhh... Naruto-kun, you're wetting my shirt..." she said in confusion.

"H-h-hic, s-s-sor-r-ry about that! I-I just l-lo-ove you so much!" he said crying happy that he finally confessed his feelings.

"Uh... this is so wrong... you... you're not the person who I liked... you, you _changed_!" she screamed at the end.

Naruto stopped sobbing, but the water floods from his eyes kept going on.

"This is exactly what I mean! When did you turn into a wimpy crybaby!? This is disturbing! If I wanted to date a chick I'll have dated Ino or another female! Goodbye! I don't know you anymore!" she went angrily, leaving a crying Naruto alone.

* * *

Yeah, I made her confident, and made Naruto 'in need' for her, so where's love? *being sarcastic* got inspired from 'Returning The Pain' fanfic in this omake.

b) she loves him no matter what:

people make her always into a girl who loves him no matter what he does, at any time;

-Naruto kills her father, and family; wow he is so cool! Oh well they were also abusing me anyways!

-He practically rapes her and/or any other girl (mind control abilities and the likes count as rape as far as I am concerned): Naruto is so handome and assertive!

Seriously, be a little realistic, fanfic writers!

There is a limit to how much someone can take and accept, and she is no exception!

If you have Naruto force himself on her when she is like 13 or younger like some fics, or any age really, and want them a reality, then expect Naruto to be imprisoned for rape and put in the care of an institue for the mentally instable or executed, and expect Hinata to commit suicide, have fear of sexual interactions/touch/men or becoming an empty shell, and have NO confidence. Period!

Also, if someone killed your family (those who didn't abuse you at least), would you marry him or want to murder him?

c) Naruto saved her from bullies, it's love!:

No, it's not, and if you want to go with that route, then since Naruto saved Wave from a megalomaniac bussinesman, he then should marry everyone or at least every female in Wave. Or what, he can't? Or since hyuuga children 'were bullied' as some say, then why not have Naruto hook up with Neji? wasn't he bullied as well?

d) she loves him so she deserves him:

Well, if you are persistent about this excuse, then you must as well follow it to the end. Meaning; Naruto loves Sakura, then he deserves her, he also loves Sasuke then he deserves him, he deserves everyone who he calls a friend and family and must date and marry them all, including OROCHIMARU since he is apparently forgiven. Hinata has to wait in the very loooonggg line to marry him by that logic.

Seriously, this excuse is so degrading that it's stupid; you don't marry someone because they love you, but because you BOTH love each other! Dimwits!

e) Naruto The Last:

Seriously, why the hell did that scraf show only in the damn movie? You'd think that a scraf that important would be shown in the manga or at least in an anime filler but no, it didn't.

Also, why did they make Naruto that much OOC? He starts to hide his confession from hinata (the boy who shouts his love to Sakura every arc), having no problem GIVING UP (his nindo was never giving up, last time I chacked) and needing Sakura and Shikamaru to put some sense in him, hey Sakura haters, it's Sakura who made Naruto stop sulking, would you start changing your opinions now?

And they also had Hinata forget that she was a ninja in a way, she tried to escape and ended up falling, yet instead of sticking to the walls by chakra, she was screaming for her crush. She sometimes acts like a damsel in distress even when there's no reason.

f) love with ridiculous background:

this is actually more for fanon;

Hinata loved him because she was inspired by his confidence, right? then why is it when Naruto goes to a trip from a young age (4 or even younger) or doesn't even live in konoha, and returns for the graduation/chunin exams, that Hinata acts like she's in love? that's the same as saying that she is a vain fangirl who likes him for his looks and coolness.

Naruto gets banished, and somehow he marries her in another country?

He gets executed and returns from death, and kills everyone except her and potential lovers/slaves?

_Yeah, doesn't sound wrong or forced at all *sarcasm if you didn't_ _know*_.

g) an in-battle only actual interaction:

This is how it seems to me if you take away those movies and fillers.

The first time Naruto talks to her, she is mostly agreeing and listening, not really talking with him, and Hinata keeps interpreting his ideas and says in her own way.

When Naruto encourages her for the first time, it's when she was losing to Neji as he was breaking her with just talking.

Some keep saying that this proves that Naruto cares about her 'that' way, but really, he also cheered for Sakura in her fight against Ino, and I'm pretty sure that had she been able to fight better and Neji wasn't that much of an ass, then he wouldn't even get that angry at all, and start ranting and cheering for her.

It was because of Neji being such an annoying jerk that he was fed up and bothered in the first place.

Their next real interaction, if you forget those fillers and fainting scenes, would be in the Pein arc.

Hinata went to the battle field where Naruto was bound, confessed then... was knocked unconscious... without any fight.

Damn Studio Pierrot sure has a lot af favouritism when it comes to her.

Giving her a damn epic battle just so she could look better.

And honestly, had Naruto been winning and kicking ass with no problem, she wouldn't even go there, letting him deal with the enemy. That's my opinion about the pein battle.

That, and Naruto didn't seem to give any importance to her confession, after all, if a girl went across the battle field, confessed her love t you and got a (near-)fatal wound, and you didn't even bother talking to her, then you obviously weren't that concentrated about her.

Had it been Sakura, he would have asked her after less than one day after the battle, and he would have near-instantly went to her side.

In the war, had Neji not died, they wouldn't have their sweet moment where they were touching each other's hand, and had Naruto not been so affected that he appeared to break down, Hinata wouldn't have slapped him and gave him that selfish speech.

* * *

"Yeah, people, that's why naruhina isn't very good without a lot of development." Illusion states.

"There's actually no problems when it comes to loving this couple, but honestly, it's just that it's overdone and sometimes the setting becomes so illogical."

"Sorry, if you didn't like that, but in all honesty, practically everything written above was more of a bashing than a deconstruction, I think I am losing my touch." she thought aloud.

"Anyway! the naruhina talk is over, and it's time to screw the... world of females?" she stated in confusion.

It wasn't every time someone talks about such topics, not in reality anyways.

"Let's just get started; if anything, it will be short."

* * *

**III) female cliches:**

There are some good female cliches that can be deconstructed~!

1) wrath of woman scorned + pervert revenge mode:

people somehow get the idea that _any_ woman who is somehow mistreated in any way or believes that a man is being perverted, would somehow become stronger than all the bijuus, kages and any deity in the multiverse.

seriously just how didn't females rule the Narutoverse again?

let's make something clear, reader and writers; these cliches are only PROPORTIONAL to the strength and skill of the_ woman in question!_

meaning, no civilian would somehow be capable of defeating OROCHIMARU OR THE AKATSUKI! regardles of how much they were 'scorned' or 'being ogled'.

* * *

**Level** **Difference:**

The Akatsuki, were taking a unique and a rare chance.

they were in the hot springs under an illusion, basking in hot water, enjoying themselves.

"Ahhh~! this is life!" stated Deidara

"Indeed" Pein agreed, with all his paths, along with the other males, who were Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, Tobi and Kisame.

Sasori couldn't come as he is a puppet, and Zetsu is a plant.

Konan was on the female side along with the Animal path, enjoying their relaxing bath.

"Hehehee~!" the male members looked at some weird white-haired guy peeping on the female side.

"Jiraiya? what the hell is he doing here?" Kisame asked.

"Peeping, obviously" Kakuzu stated.

"No one will look at my angel like that, SHINRA TENSEI!" Pein stated in anger, throwing Jiraiya out of the hot springs...along with the wall separating the two genders, he was quite angry.

Konan...didn't give a damn, what? she is an S-rank kunoichi who saw, fought and caused death, would she care that much about some people who she knows that they don't have any weird or perverted intention toward her if they looked at her naked?

The other females who were civilians with fe genins, didn't share her sentiments though.

"perverts!"

"lechs!"

"lets beat them!"

And they went to attack with insane ferocity, weapons and all.

And were instantly and brutally killed by the male members in less than 5 seconds.

Konan looked at them irritated "did you have to kill them? you could have just knocked them unconscious, look! the hot springs is now becoming red!"

most of the members...didn't give a damn.

"if you want, we can make some kind of a hot spring in the base, we have seals and jutsus to do that, you know." Kisame stated.

her eyebrow just twitched "let's just get out of here."

* * *

As I said, these cliches can sometimes be ridiculous.

P.S: if this was true then kushina wouldn't have died and would have creamed Obito even while she was near-death, Sakura would have killed Orochimaru with her pinkie, Tsunade and Mei would have CRUSHED MADARA! and since they didn't...

2) double standards:

the fandom sometimes has some serious issue with those concepts;

no, a girl peeking at a man who is bathing without his knowledge is not cute, sweet or nice at all, it's plain disturbing.

a woman nearly killing a man just because she can or because she was 'victimized' isn't funny or acceptable, and by that logic, Naruto has every right to kill any man who 'hurt' just by using the oiroke jutsu and beating them to an inch of their lives, and he can also kill any females by using seals to deal with their 'logic'.

and if you really want that logic, then Naruto should kill himself when bashed!Sakura tells him to die just for the heck of it.

3) females rule:

I have no problem with the femdom or their fans, but honestly, the men are the source of evil and should be exterminated?

how would females reproduce if there's no men? even with seals, how would they make sure that the newborn is female? would they kill their own children if they were men? or will they enslave their own children?

also, why is it in some fanfics that Naruto gets nerfed so much that he can't even defeat his young daughter Himawari and ends up as the sex toy for practically all females of konoha?

people sometimes underestimate and nerf him way too much. Naruto after te war would probably crush Tsunade and most people who aren't utter monsters with just his chakra alone, let alone the fact he can feel emotions, and probably faster than light at his peak of power.

* * *

Illusion looks "I said it will be short, damn this chapter should be edited heavil at some point."

"Well, this is the end for now!"

**X**

**X**

**X**

**The End.**


	6. Chapter 6: This makes (no) sense!

"Welcome dear readers! It's nice to see each other again!"

The red-haired beauty smiled.

"Or, to be more accurate, it's nice you took time to 'read' this page, well you know my habit of breaking the fourth wall anyway."

She looked at the 'camera' with mischief.

"Well, this chapter will be a little different in the fact it will mostly be a crack oneshot after another crack oneshot, showing the absurdity in how some things in the Naruverse happened. Of course, some of those oneshots can be plain serious, after all, Kishimoto REALLY should learn how to keep track of the endless amount of his inconsistencies he kept putting in the manga and anime. And while _we_ are at it, _we_ will as well deconstruct some of the fanfic cliches as well."

She smiled more.

"Or to be more accurate, _we_ will deconstruct a good amount of the annoying plot holes and ass-pulls, wether by playing their results in a realistic and humoring way, or take said problems, and increase them Up To Eleven, and see what pops up."

Illusion then spread her arms, her expression getting 'excited'.

"Now, let's begin 'creating' this chapter!"

* * *

**Forgiven or not**

"I object on my treatment!"

A woman who was bound by the ninja holding -Okino Yui- her said, looking at Tsunade, who looked back at her uncaringly.

"Well, you should have thought about that before trying to attack Uzumaki Naruto." Tsunade stated.

This woman, unexpectedly, didn't attack the boy-now-man out of malice, hate, or spite because of his jinchuuriki status.

The reason was much, much simpler and more logical.

Naruto tried to seduce her, and like any freaking normal woman with a husband and children, she tried to slap him away, which apparently counts as a 'threatening' attack.

And then she ended up captured by the Anbu, and here she was now.

And just to make it clear, Naruto is already married to, like, 10 women, with a dozen slave girls or so.

So for her it simply makes no sense for him to try seducing her, especially with the rumors that he slept with ten times the amount of women he has in his residence while he was in the red light district, and for whatever reason, all his wives are like 'wow! My husband is awesome!'

But sadly, it seems that having power equals absolute control and the death of common sense.

"But others DID attack him more severely and they're not even captured for their faults! That Sakura girl attacked him yet you shrugged her attempts, why?" she asked.

"Well, Sakura's mother was an abusive bitch who tried to force her daughter to have sex with the Uchiha brat, and her father was no better, physically abusing his daughter for not being a boy." Tsunade answered.

"Yeah, that's horrible, but it shouldn't mean that she should be easily forgiven, right?" Yui tried to reason with this COMPLETELY idiotic hokage.

"Also, didn't that Haku girl try to freeze his balls when he tried to touch her rear before they became married? Why is she completely fine?" Yui kept questioning, hoping this boobzila will see reason.

"The girl had lost her parents when her mother was killed by her idiotic father, and she had to kill him to survive, she then had to deal with a harsh mentor, and Naruto knows this, an that's why he forgives her."

"And Temari who threatened to slice him with her big fan?"

"Temari had to deal with her idiotic late father, make sure that her at-the-time psychotic brother doesn't kill her, so I think she needs to get some leeway."

Yui looked blankly, and Tsunade and the Anbu felt a chill running down their spines.

"So..." Yui started "as long as the person in question has some 'tragic' past, and _Naruto_ forgives them, they're fine?" she asked with a dry tone.

"Yes?" Tsunade said with confusion.

"And, because I don't have an unhealthy past or trauma, I'm supposed to know better, and try to be more gentle, especially as he is a celebrity here?" Yui stated in the same deadpan tone.

Tsunade gave her a resolute nod.

"that's right."

Yui sighed.

"well, at least _we_ tried."

_"we?"_ Tsunade questioned.

Shadows started covering Yui's body, turning her entire figure black while only showing her teeths that became stretched from ear to ear, with red eyes.

Tsunade tried to attack her, only to realise that she couldn't move.

The anbu as well became unable to move.

Yui uncaringly freed herself from the unmoving ninjas, moving to the window, looking at the village while the rest were hopelessly looking at her.

"you know what? I think that the people of this world sometimes completely ignore logic. even if it's thrown to their faces." Yui started.

"it simply shows in the utter nepotism that's related to that Naruto guy."

"as long as HE decides that someone is 'good', then said person automatically becomes good, and I could care less about such an existance." she said without care.

she then turned to the group with her smug grin.

"and don't think I don't know what you're trying to do; I know you will 'bring' me to a 'therapist' so I will learn how to act 'properly' around the Uzumaki boy. Meaning: Become his slave in all but name. I am not dumb, I know you kill the men and have the women become charmed and brainwashed so they get their chance to be 'forgiven'."

"that's why..." Yui started, making others gulp from the hopeless situation "I'll just go out of this world~!" she said stunning everyone as the dark shadows retreated, showing her normal figure, only for her to slowly disappear from the dimension.

Okino Yui's existence got then slowly erased from the {world} and life kept going.

* * *

"Tada! the first cliche on this episode! although instead of a deconstruction, it just points to the utter stupidity in making one person or group, namely this annoying protagonist -and many others- who keep acting as if only they have the absolute control of the morality, decide who is guilty and/or innocent. Honestly, it wouldn't be strange if Yui-chan killed Naruto-chan right there~!" Illusion chirped.

"Now then, what other cliches do we have?"

* * *

**Not so different**

Sasuke looked at Naruto as they faced each other at the VotE, with both of them exhausted as the battle raged.

"why don't you get it Naruto?!" Sasuke screamed irritated "I don't want to return to Konoha! Just how hard is it to understand?"

"I told you, you won't go to Orochimaru, also, revenge is not the answer!" Naruto, wearing all-black and edgy, told him.

Seriously, he never understood why Sasuke even wanted to go to Orochimaru. The guy has everything he wants in konoha; discounts, fans and females wanting to satisfy him. Really, it's as if he thinks that no one understa-

"Oh can you just STOP acting as if you are the moral compass of the ninja world?! What the hell do you even think you know about my life anyways?" Sasuke cut his thought.

Naruto raised an eyebrow. The brat made it seem as if Naruto didn't know him at all.

"Of course I know about your life in konoha." Naruto snorted "You're konoha's golden prince! I really don't get why you want to leave all of that for a traitor."

Sasuke glared at him, and slowly started to chuckle, then laugh loudly, confusing the blond boy.

"Then you don't know me, heh, it seems that both of us took our lessons about hiding our skills and mentalities to heart." Sasuke stated.

Naruto's eyes widened.

"Since you were so nice and ripped off your mask, let me now rip mine and show you the real me."

And Sasuke closed his eyes for a second before opening them, and two Mangekyo Sharingan eyes were staring at the baffled black-clothed boy.

"What the hell?!"

Sasuke looked annoyed, glaring straight at naruto's eyes.

"You really are still an idiot, even with al those 'changes', huh? Then let me explain it to you, in a world where time and space are meaningless. Tsukuyomi!"

And the area around Naruto changed turning into an inversed world where left and right are swapped.

Naruto kept looking stupefied at the whole situation.

"You. How...?!"

"I know what you are thinking." Sasuke appeared in front of Naruto with a smirk. "'How does he have the Mangekyo?', 'why did he suddenly change?' and 'from when was he like that?', right?"

"Well, let me tell you a new story, and have you live it as well."

The world around Naruto changed, as he realised in muted horror that even his senses were twisted to satisfy Sasuke's wishes.

"Years ago, a child was born, given a life thanks to a happy couple."

"He was a nice child, but as he grew up, he realised he was lonely as his father wasn't very good at showing compassion, but he was happy anyways, as he knew his family loved him."

Naruto 'felt' it. Happiness, sadness, annoyance and more.

He realised that it was Sasuke's emotions. From when he was a child!

"The boy kept growing, realising the existance of ninjas, and wanting to be one of the best if only for proving himself to his father and brother."

"The boy's mother was quite supportive to him but it couldn't completely negate the feelings of inferiority he had towards his brother or his desire to be seen as excellent as his brother and being acknowledged as a great would-be-ninja by his father."

"The boy got at some point train so hard that his sotic father acknowledged his efforts. He was quite happy with his accomplishments."

"But all those happy moments, those sweet times, all of them would be ripped from him."

"All his family, dead; the smell of blood sticking to the air, creating a disturbing atmosphere. The stench of the corpses causing him to nearly throw up."

"But it didn't end there. As he discovered that the brother who he adored was the one who committed the massacre that ended up destroying his happiness."

"The boy's brother was brutal, as he put the despairing boy in a sadistic illusion where he had to watch his family killed, over and over again, for what felt like eternity."

Naruto felt horror swallowing him as the gruesome images of the genocide kept appearing in his head.

"The boy got knocked unconscious for days, and waking up, he had to see the ugly side of the village that he cared for."

"He saw the villager who he cared about turn into unrecognisable figures who just wanted to curry favors from him."

"The girls who he felt a little uncomfortable while around them turned to a bunch of pathetic and near-psychotic stalkers wanting nothing more than to get his money, his life and objectify him."

"He saw people who he trusted to mentally and emotionally take care of him throw him to live in the very place he got his trauma, with no support other than few attempts to curry favors, trying to control him."

"That's why, when the village kept sabotaging him on purpose, allowing others to graduate early yet forbidding him 'to make sure he is growing properly' regardless of how far ahead he was, when they kept trying to keep him on a leash for their agendas, he gave up."

"He stopped giving chances to his village, he stopped caring about their apathic attitude towards his trauma _just because_ it is a ninja village he is living in."

"That's why he will leave, why he will join a traitor, because in the end; if you were abused and sabotaged, wouldn't you go with a 'traitor' who will help you as well?"

* * *

"The second 'omake'! Now I really don't get why people keep bashing Sasuke." Illusion starts.

"I mean, yeah, he was horrible in Shippuden, but he wasn't that bad at the start... until Itachi got the BRILLANT idea to Tsukuyomi Sasuke, AGAIN, after Sasuke started getting some social interactions and withdrawing from his solitude. The fact that Orochimaru marked him didn't help either. The again, most authors don't bother trying to make him a sympathic character, him, or Sakura, and many others."

she looked amused about the whole thing.

"Oh, and on a side note..." she smirked "let's compare Sasuke's abuse with Fanon Naruto's!"

"Both were neglected, Sasuke by his father and brother to a degree, Fan-naruto by practically everyone, along with the abuse."

"both were seeking attention, Sasuke more from his father and brother, fan-Naruto from the 'whole village'."

"both had their clans wiped out by 'ungrateful bastards', Sasuke thanks to the genocide, and fan-Naruto because Bashed!konoha thought the Uzumaki were dangerous and had to cut their ties."

"both had to avenge their families and they both had no problem to side with a 'traitor' to do so. It's just that Naruto is the one who is always deemed 'right' regardless of how horrible his actions are even compared to Danzo and Shippuuden!Sasuke combined."

"Now, what's next...?"

* * *

**Literally too old and uninterested in the future to give a damn**

Coyote Starrk was roaming in the void along with his companion Lilinette, he was looking blankly at the area around him. Although there wasn't much to see except darkness.

A change in the atmosphere around them caught their attention.

"Welcome, children." an exotic voice reached his ear, prompting them to look at the source of the voice.

You know how this is going to happen, an attractive woman who is the ruler of all creations (we'll call her Ophicus, deal with it) who wants Naruto to 'fix' his original world and destroy the threat of the Akatsuki.

"So, what do you think about this offer?" she asked excitedly after telling him about his previous life and how much Hinata/Sakura/whoever-she-is misses him.

"No."

Silence.

...

...

...

"N-No?" Ophicus asked in bafflement.

"Well, we had already died twice, right?" Starrk said.

"Yeah, why would be bothering to return to a world of backstabbers and haters, while we can stay happily together and forever?" Lilinette asked with heat.

"W-Well..."

"She's right, also, sorry to burst your bubble but I can barely remember our first life, if at all."

"Me too! Also, why NOW?! You've had like, centuries to drag us from the Hueco Mundo to 'fix' our first world. Why only after we die again that you bother bugging us? And why especially US?! Aren't there some other kid out there you can give him all those OP abilities so he gets his harem and wank story?" Lilinette was very annoyed at her.

"Uhhh..."

"Also, having a harem like you probably think we will is not really fun, you know. Seriously, it's like people think our life is some kind of a shonen manga!" Lilinette huffed. "Honestly, it's as if no one watched School Days! Just how many idiots keep thinking that girls in a harem won't just shred you unless you literally enslaved them?"

Ophicus' heart comically shattered as her dream of watching a harem story was destroyed in front of her.

"And the woman who loves you?" she asked.

"We both are _centuries_ old, not to mention; we are technically dead, so if we returned, our relationship would be a combination of necrophilia and pedophilia, more or less." Starrk stated.

"Also, I don't get it; WHY only THREE or NINE years pass when we 'return' there. Why can't the time on Elemental Nations' side go equally or even faster than our side? Are you afraid that whoever-who-loves-us would have already turned to dust? And really, all of them keep loving us no matter what? Yeah, it's sad but it's not the end of their world, or something." Lilinette questioned.

"Not to mention, it's a waste of time. Why not just use your powers, obeliterate Madara, Kaguya, or whoever and be done with it? It's much simpler and less complex. And it doesn't require such a ridiculous plan either." Starrk pointed out to her.

Ophicus crouched in despair while a black cloud started raining directly above her head.

The 'dead' duo looked at her, then shrugged, going to one of the many portals of the multiverse. They chose a dimension where the temperature was nice, to get their much needed 'retiring vacation', leaving a trillion-old existance alone.

* * *

"Yeah, this is me making fun of the 'Naruto is a not-Naruto character who is really Naruto and returns to kick ass and save damsels' cliche. Oh, and on a side note, a good amount of them have the 'my princess confesses to me five minutes before my death' cliche, which is stupid as hell." the avatar stated.

"And now, the opposite will be seen."

* * *

**Mundane solution**

Uzumaki Naruto, the child of prophecy, looked at the area he is in.

He was returned to this world after being unjustly killed and tortured by konoha to fix this world from the mistakes and take care of the 'glitches in the system'.

He was blessed by Ophicus and her sibilings to have enough power to do so.

"Let's start now, quickly and effectively."

Naruto first teleported to Konoha with one of his abilities, and stood on the air few kilometers above the village. Created a power blast that destroyed everyone there, teleported to Ame, where the Akatsuki was, eradicated all the members in like, 10 minutes, then he used the Infinite Tsukuyomi thanks to the Rinnean, erased the existance of chakra from the people's mind all around the world as well every corporeal evidence of it's existance by his army of billions of clones all over the world.

All of this, in the matter of hours.

After everything was finished, he Tsukuyomi'ed himself to forget the existance of his powers, destiny, along with sealing all his chakra and said abilities.

And life kept going, after he woke from his confusion.

* * *

"I swear, it's like authors want and try too hard to allow their 'OP Naruto' story to be longer than THIS omake!" Illusion laughed.

"Then again, if Naruto were even remotely as pragmatic as he _should_ the story would have already ended in the first chapter, in less than a day."

* * *

**Hyuugas**

In another world, Hyuga Neji would have been angry, he would have been frustrated and spiteful at the Main branch of his clan.

This isn't an omake that's talking about that.

In this omake, Neji was content.

Because that Canon doctor who helped give birth to his father and uncle did the impossible and managed to get Hizashi get out first from the twins' mother.

So in this timeline, It was Neji who was the heir to the Hyuuga clan.

Hinata was sent to the Branch family, where she was left unbothered by the Main family as she was too passive to make a scene while Neji became renown as the prodigy heir of the Hyuuga.

And everyone was happy for that.

Except Hinata as she couldn't get her chance to marry Naruto as she was WAY too passive as she forfeited her match in the Chunin Exams against Neji, and all those 'needless' fillers to have Naruto spend time with her didn't happen, and the fact that Ino who survived used common sense and brought help so they were capable of saving Naruto and defeating Pain without letting Kurama take control. Although that was a one hell of a struggle.

Well, that's the end of this omake, this writer guesses?

* * *

"Well, it's very clear what's this about. I never understand why people need to make a drama out of Hinata's life while all of that would have been avoided just by having Neji become the actual heir by making his father get born first. That would have made Neji's life less angsty and stop if not lessen his 'fate rules everything' mentality."

* * *

**Uchiha Massacre: What should have happened**

"You're kidding, aren't you?" Itachi asked raising an eyebrow, looking at the four other occupants in the hokage's office.

Danzo, Hizuren, Homura and Koharu.

"Sadly, we aren't." Danzo stated, getting nods from his teammates and rival.

...

"So... let me get this straight." Itachi started in a deadpan tone "I am required to kill my whole clan."

Four nods.

"ALL of it, including the old, the females, and children."

More nods

"Even babies."

Even more nods.

"And that's after Danzo here..." pointing to said person "killed Shisui so the option of peacefully negotiating gets destroyed."

"Couldn't ignore the chance that Shisui might turn into a traitor or the clan finding out about our plans and causing a civil war." Danzo defended.

Which wasn't a bad reason, all things considered, but that's besides the point.

"And I have to do so, alone?"

Nods, again.

"So... to sum up the whole situation; I have to kill my WHOLE clan, regardless of who they are or how innocent or guilty they are."

"As harsh this is, yes" Hizuren said.

"And this is AFTER the village shunned the clan for supposedly causing the kyuubi attack?"

"Yes" Homura stated hoping the situation doesn't get anymore non-sensial.

...

Silence kept going for a few seconds.

Itachi then sighed.

"There's no other option, huh?"

He sounded defeated.

"No, there isn't." Koharu stated.

Itachi quickly looked at the group, and in a few seconds, the four were on the ground unconscious.

Itachi deactivated his mangekyo, breathing with a little difficulty.

'Morons, the four of them' he thought 'all what the clan wanted was getting more respect, massacring them all by myself is not only plain suicidal as the tension is high in the clan, but many members aren't dumb and can easily fight me face-to-face and even put me in a disadvantageous situation, not to mention that my little brother Sasuke will be devastated and letting him in a village that can easily discard him when he becomes too powerful or useless is not something I WILL allow.'

He quickly slit their throats, and ran away stealthily, acting as if nothing happened.

No one blamed the Uchiha, nor did they blame Naruto, as it was dumb and stupid as hell.

Itachi became the hokage after a good amount of genjutsu using, logic, and showing off some superb skills.

The Uchiha didn't commit the coup as they had already gained the respect they wanted and deserved.

And konoha thrived thanks to that.

* * *

"Yeah, it was a very possible outcome, all things considered." Illusion chuckled.

"Without Obito, or actually, even with his help, the mssacre had a very high chance of failing; there were simply too many of the clan who had very high experiences as ninjas, not to mention, there is no doubt that there are more of the Uchiha other than Sishui and Itachi that had the mangekyo; the massacre was such a gamble where the odds of it working were very slim considering the power of individuals in the clan along with their skills and possible teamwork, yeah, Itachi and Obito should have been creamed by some of the older generation members."

"And on a more emotional and familial note, if Itachi loved Sasuke THAT much, he would have rather killed the masterminds of the uchiha genocide operation, hide the whole thing, and let life keep going. As far as I am concerned, the Itachi in the first series is not the same one as in Shippuden."

* * *

**Kumo Incident: what actually happened**

"You're kidding, right?" Hizashi looked at his brother and the elders.

The serious looks he got sent the message; no they aren't.

"Sadly, kumo will raise hell if we don't." one of the elders stated.

"What I don't get is; why ME?" Hizashi asked.

"They asked to give them the head of the one who killed the ambassador, and as you are my twin, you have to go." Hiashi stated.

"But this makes no sense though; if I was sent, then you have to put my brother in my place, give him the cursed seal to trick our enemies, so it really means nothing wether it's me or not."

The others spluttered at his point.

"Th-this is nonsense!" one elder screamed.

"Also, how is this even necessary? Unless kumo knows who actually killed their ambassador, anyone can work as a sacrifice."

"Now, now, stop being ridiculous." a calm elder tried to placate Hizashi.

"Not to mention, you guys don't really expect a bunch of outsiders to know every one of the clan, right? Just admit it, brother, you only went along with this because grandmother loves me mor- AAAGGHHHH!" Hizashi's statement got cut as he screamed from pain as his cursed seal was activated by Hiashi.

He fell unconscious after half a minute.

"Make sure to tell Hizashi's son that his father died for the sake of konoha got it?" Hiashi ordered.

And, just like that, Hizashi was thrown to the wolves without getting a chance to talk to his son.

* * *

"Really, Hizashi's death was ultimately pointless and unnecessary, they could have simply killed one annoying elder after branding him with the seal, and given him to kumo and the Raikage and the rest won't be able to do anything." the Avatar started.

"And on a side note, I want a fic where it wasn't Hinata or even a female Hyuga that was about to be kidnapped, it's really sexist and stupid to think that only females are useful as breeding horses; if anything, males are actually a better choice as they can impregnate as much women as they can as long as they have sperm and are fertile, while females will need nine months to give birth to the baby and more time to rest themselves."

"But then again, it's really a hit-or-miss with the males as the kidnapped one could be sterile, so it's not that strange, _we_ think?"

* * *

**Anyone can survive**

Sasuke looked at Danzo and Deidara, alive and kicking, after Deidara long exploded using his suicide technique, and after Danzo long used that weird explosive seal made on his body.

"How!?"

Those two should have been dead!

Deidara snorted, causing Sasuke to glare at him.

"Oh please, brat, remember how you survived against my suicide attack, hm? If I remember correctly, you survived by quickly summoning that bigass snake, using Mangekyo to brainwash him, have him devour and teleport you away in only a FRACTION OF A SECOND! And all of this when you were low on chakra, So if you, a rookie -skills and powers aside- were capable of this, why can't those older and more experienced pull this up, hm?"

Sasuke's eye twitched at the insane logic.

"And I was cheating death for a long time, boy; I lived for more than seventy years, as a shinobi where the normal life expectancy of ninja is 30 or so years." Danzo remarked.

"Now, let's fight brat! Don't worry though, you won't die. Just become a little bruised!" Deidara smirked.

And Sasuke had no choice.

* * *

"Quick question; if Sasuke, had managed to survive his battle against some of his enemies just by relying on a deus ex machina, what are the chances others can't have said cheat power?"

* * *

**Harems: School Days Style**

Naruto didn't want this to happen. He really didn't.

It was out of what he thought would happen.

It all started when he realized he had feelings to a kunoichi who he met at the war and kept in touch with her and started talking with her more as she was from his village.

And what started as a normal outing turned a little by little into dates.

And it ended up with the both becoming happier with each other until they decided to become lovers.

But apparently, a lot of the females had wanted to date him, females he didn't date as some of them were simply much older than him (kurenai and Anko), or he simply didn't like them that way anymore (Hinata and Sakura).

And it just snowballed from there as regardless of how gently he tried to reject them, their pride as 'cool' kunoichi doesn't allow them to give up.

Sadly for them, it ended up with them in a mental facility to fix whatever delusion they had before they went to the deep end.

But maybe it was a good thing?

* * *

"Again, they're kunoichis, not shallow girls having no problem to willingly degrading themselves and join a harem, either they'll give up or try to break them up creatively or become psychos."

**X**

**X**

**The End.**


End file.
